Decisions

At the last appointment, my OB asked--ever so casually--about my future plans for child bearing.  This is not a conversation I can really have with a straight face.  I mean, come on, how much choice do we really have in the whole number of kids thing?

She was asking because, if I was planning on having many more (again, ha ha ha), she might counsel me away from a repeat c-section to reduce wear and tear on my uterus.  Though once upon a time it might have seemed to me that three was an ideal number of offspring to have, the very thought of two is so overwhelming at this point in time that it's almost impossible (for me) to think that now.   

When I told her some version of this, she asked, well, if I did wind up deciding on a repeat c-section (and the jury's still out on that), would I want to get my tubes tied at the same time.

Huh.

Apparently, if I'm interested in this option, I need to fill out the paperwork well ahead of time so that everyone knows I'm not making an emotional decision that I'll regret later.

It's weird to even think about it.  Like I said, realistically, we will probably be done after this, but it's hard to imagine closing the door. 

Comments

[Carla Hinkle]

I agree that it is weird to have to think about birth control, let alone Permanent Measures!

But doesn't it seem a little draconian that if you are having just a 2nd repeat C you need to get your tubes tied? Unless (and I don't recall) your C section was especially dramatic/tough/scar-inducing/etc etc.

Recommending tubal ligation seems a bit much to me, but hey.

[em]

Don't close the door just yet... give yourself time to adjust to having a second before you make such a big and *final* decision!

[Brooklyn Girl]

I don't think she was recommending the ligation--just letting me know it was an option. It certainly wasn't in the realm of things I was considering on my own.

[Dee]

I so hear you on the 'closing the door' thing. After TTC for the past 6 years and with a 20 month old and a 1 month old, it seems weird to think that my baby-making is over. I can't wrap my mind around it. And yes, despite the fact that I'm about to turn 38, I find myself wondering about a third child...even though I am completely overwhelmed right now. I just don't know if I can shut the door, just . like . that . at least not yet.

Good luck whatever you decide about the ligation.

[Nors]

Personally I am an advocate of the vasectomy, just a thought if you were looking for something permanent.

[Toni]

Hubby got the vasectomy done b/c we have frozen left over from the IVF with Bear. And we've mostly decided that we're going to stick with just two...but I still can't not pay the $200 a year to keep those embabies frozen.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that there might be a time you'll want another. And if you do - there might be a time you want to give all three of them away. Heck, even if you stay with two - you might want to give both of them away too.

No easy answer - but don't 'cut' your options out (heheh - like that? Cut? I kill myself! Can you tell it's been snowing here for like 2 years??).

[Kristin]

Hi there,

Echoing the first comment: is it actually necessary to take such measures after 2 c-sections? My friend, who's pregnant with her third right now, (and who has to have the repeat c-sections because of her classic incision from the first rather rushed and emergent one...) would be surprised to hear that! Although like Carla says above, every case is different and of course there may be elements to the story that I'm not aware of. I hope you get lots of good support and no pressure making your decisions, whichever way you end up deciding to go. Good luck -

[Brooklyn Girl]

Just to be clear...no one is saying that I should get my tubes tied BECAUSE of the c-section--just that the c-section presents the opportunity to have it done (if I'm so inclined).

[tana]

I thought I was so done having kids when I was preg with my son (2nd) and was kind of miffed that the hub didn't want me to tie the tubes. But now, even though he is only 8 1/2 mo, I am itching to have a third, so I am glad I didn't do it.

[Melissa]

I'm in the same situation. I'll be having a repeat c/s and my OB asked about a tubal. DH is all for it b/c two kids will make our family complete. I'm against it. After wanting to be fertile for so long, now that I have fertility, I don't want to give it up even if I won't be using it. Sounds crazy, I know, but I just can't do it right now.

[Kate]

De-lurking to say- the best advice my OB ever gave me was to NOT make that decision while you're pregnant!

[AmyinMotown]

Yeah, what Kate said. I understand the thinking of not wanting to do yet a a third abdominal incision for something that's technically optional if you decide you want it done later, but when faced with these sorts of decisions that can't be undone I tend to put them off until I am absolutey sure.

[caro]

I'm sure this depends a lot on individual medical situation, etc.(and also maybe my friend is a little nuts), but a friend of mine is going in today for her *fifth* C-section. So maybe it's possible the decision about repeat c-section or not this time isn't as urgent as your doctor suggests? Either way, "Don't make decisions while pregnant" sounds like a good ideal to me, if not always a reachable one...

[FishyGirl]

I just had my tubal done after my fourth csection, and while I know it was the right thing, we're happy with our family size, there is still something a bit jarring about the finality of it all - this WILL be my last baby. It's a tough decision to make, and I wouldn't make it while pregnant - they asked right before I went in to have the third one and I didn't okay it because I wasn't sure that we were done after 3, and I'm so glad I did. That said, if they discover something during your c-section that indicates some reason why it would be more risky than usual to have a third, you might want to discuss what potential decisions might come from that with your doctor NOW, i.e., adhesions, scar tissue in scary spots, something. Something along the lines of "We're not ready to make that decision now barring any other information, but if you find my uterus was about to rupture due to scar tissue, our feeling is to go ahead and do it." Or not, as the case may be, but it would be a good idea to discuss it now, both with your doctor and your husband.

Or just ignore me - I'm full of assvice, so take what you will. I wish you all the best with the decision, though, it isn't an easy one, and I think when you've had infertility issues it's even harder to shut the door even when you are sure you're done. Peace.

[Vashni]

I am getting an IUD as it is completely and utterly reversible should one decide to become pregnant again. Although at age 42, with a completely miraculous pregnancy (Kid #2 was born in December), I feel very cocky getting birth control that lasts for 10 years. I mean, really. I would stay away from the ligation, even if you are done, as you have a shred of doubt.

[Sam]

Have the hubby get snipped when you're ready. I wouldn't even think about getting a tubal at this juncture.

[Julie]

It's such a wierd position to be in for us infertile folks (even getting pg with #2 naturally doesn't take the stamp of being infertile away). All of a sudden to think about how to prevent ever getting pregnant again. Like I said - weird. I personally am not ready to close the door completely...even tho I've been told #3 might kill me and likely result in premature #3 (#1 was full term, #2 10 weeks early). It's just so....final. I'm not ready for the finality of tubes tied or vasectomy. It doesn't sound like you really are either.

[Anonymous]

There are definitely other options besides BTL. IUDs are actually a great option for a lot of women and are far less permanent than BTL or vasectomy. IUDs tend to be underused by American women which is really too bad.

[Wendy]

I had the same conversation with my OB during my 2nd pregnancy. Because I couldn't really decide about the prospect of tubal ligation, I just put the decision off completely. I figured that if we wanted something permanent that my husband would just get the ol' vasectomy later on.
Ten months after that birth I was VERY unexpectedly pregnant with my 3rd child.
Guess who chickened out on the vasectomy?
Geesh!