This Week in Child Rearing

Is it possible for a 4 month old to spontaneously develop colic?  I swear that's what it feels like around here these days, especially around 4 am when The Girl won't sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time and each of those minutes must be spent swaying from one foot to another.  Honestly, it's killing me.

In my saner moments, I flip through Weissbluth for advice, but I'm stymied by these facts: 1) 3 days a week, The Girl and I are walking The Boy to and from school smack in the middle of Weissbluth's recommended nap times; 2) The Girl is still "sleeping" in her bassinet, which she's all but outgrown, but I can't move her to her crib in The Boy's room because he's a light sleeper and she's still up all the time; 3) I'm too damn wasted to try anything rash.

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I've been writing grandparent posts in my head, but my feelings are so ugly and uncharitable that I can't commit them to print.   Suffice it to say, the last week included a lot of experiences like this one. It's really disappointing.

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The Boy continues to charge enthusiastically into school with nary a separation issue.  Last week, his teachers assured me that this was a sign of how happy and well adjusted he was.  This week, they told me that there's  usually one kid who seems to be fine but starts flipping out a couple of weeks into the school year and their money's on The Boy.  Does that negate happy and well adjusted?

Comments

[midlife mommy]

I think that was a thought better left unexpressed by the teachers -- grrr.

[caramama]

As for The Girl's sleeping issues, my money is on the 4-month sleep regression. We have been having the same problem since the Pumpkin was 3.5 months old, due to teething/growth spurts/developmental spurts. I'm sorry to say that 6 out of 7 nights, we are still doing more rocking/nursing/trying to get her to sleep than we are sleeping, and she is 6.5 months now. I hope this stage passes more quickly for you than it is for us.

[Heather]

They may have meant that a child who seems to have no adjustment issues at all will reveal them slowly over time. Our son was that way starting preschool - he loved it each day, loved showing the activities off to us when we picked him up. But then five weeks into it, the dropoffs became tearful and he got clingy. This lasted three weeks and then he was fine. We checked with his teachers and he was doing well during the day there and not being mistreated. His teachers told us that it almost always takes kids 8 weeks to adjust to a change like that and even if they seem to stay in the "honeymoon" phase early on, they're still adjusting to a new change and will probably show this at some point in the first 8 weeks. I don't think their wording was particularly helpful.

[Liza]

I'm going to go with no, since my kid was one of those "happy the first couple of weeks then clung to the carseat, the car, the door of the classroom, me, anything to keep from going in THERE out of NOWHERE types." People constantly marvel at how well-adjusted that one is, even now (I can't believe we're already up to FIRST GRADE!). But I don't have any tips for you because the other two are MONSTERS so clearly it's not my fantabulous mothering. LOL! Good luck with that other shoe, should it drop

[Tracy]

Our daughter is one of those kids who never looks back when she is dropped off for preschool. She started at 2.5 and never once has she protested about going to school. She loves it. We often wish she would at least give us a hug or kiss before we leave but once she is there, it's all about school. She is thankfully happy to see us at the end of class so that makes us feel better! Be glad you don't have a clinger/crier. I feel for those who do. I'm sure our other two will give us a run for our money since it has been so easy with the first one.

[Suz]

First, I can't believe that the teachers said that about the boy. It would send me into a spin-cycle of anxiety. Second, I'm sorry about the grandparents. Ugh.

[Carla Hinkle]

The 4 month sleep regression bites. My 2nd daughter was sleeping 8-10 hours at night between 2 and 4 months, then it all went to hell in a handbasket at 4 months and is just now (8 months) getting back on track. Though still no 8 hour stretches in a row.

We had the same issue with the too-small bassinet and sharing a room with an older sibling. At 4 months I just started using the crib and developed an ability to leap out of bed and grab the baby before she woke her older sister. I do think it helped having her out of the squashy bassinet.

Good luck!

[AmyinMotown]

Could the crib, or a pack and play, fit in your room? Or anywhere else in the apartment?

I don't remember mine not sleeping at night at four months. I do remember her pretty much refusing naps. I hated my life soooooo much.

I have been having ugly family-related thoughts/post ideas after this weekend as well. Virtual drinkypoo/bitch session?

[Lisa]

Ever heard of the "wonder weeks"? 12 weeks is one of the predictable periods. Not that that makes it easier - just gives you a point of reference and assurance it will end. I'm just going to copy / paste here: "Recent research has shown that there are predictable times during the first few years of a child's life when the child may be more demanding (fussier) than usual. These fussy times have been called the 'Wonder weeks' by some writers, because it is during these more difficult weeks that babies are making big steps forward in their development.

Once they have taken one of these big steps in their development, they may have times when they are less demanding. These times have been called 'sunny' times. These cycles of changes in how much distress a baby experiences have been found to happen in many different cultures."

There is a book, I think. But you can learn what you need here:
http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetails.aspx?p=114&np=122&id=2312

[molly]

I can't remember how old The Boy is, but I did move my baby into the toddler's room, even knowing it would wake up the older one.

It took a few weeks of adjustment - some nights she would wake up every time the baby cried to nurse. After the adjustment, though, my very light sleeper (would wake up if I flushed the toilet down the hall, even with a white noise machine on) now sleeps through one or two nightime booby visits.

For me the tipping point to move the baby out of my room was that we were waking HIM up when we came to bed. So I figured we should see what happens if we put them together already.

(also, now? They are best friends. She will tell him to LIE DOWN at bedtime, he will squeal at her in the morning, etc. Totally worth it.)

[Tonya]

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it could be colic. Tiny Boy broke the accepted definition of colic and developed it later than most (3.5 mos.). He also had reflux for a year.

It really, really suuuuucks. I hope things improve for you, and much sooner if it's "just" the sleep issue rather than full-blown colic. Hang in there as best you can.

BTW, my daughter adjusted to having the baby screaming right next to her sleeping-- she used to wake several times a night but within 6 weeks she adjusted and was able to ignore him. Seems like a long time, but I was already so bloody tired that it really didn't matter if I was trying to get one kid back to sleep or two. That, and I pulled the Daddy card whenever I needed help coping in the middle of the night. I'm rooting for you!

[Nicole]

Our poor daughter is nine months old and has spent exactly two nights in the crib in her brother's room. She sleeps in the pack-n-play in our room because he's such a light sleeper. The joys of urban living.

[Monica]

I have yet to put my daughter down for a nap. I literally feel incapable of doing so. It's not like I don't try, but I don't have the energy to keep trying. I feel like I'm doing everything wrong in that regard. We're at 12.5 weeks and the sleep issue is just not pretty anymore. For awhile there, it was heavenly and then suddenly it all went downhill. It will get better though...eventually.

[kate]

Have you been over to Ask Moxie? She's got a post up about 4 month olds and sleep regression....

[Elizabeth]

We had a one bedroom apartment until the dumpling was 18 months old. We had no room for a full sized crib, so we bought a Delta portable crib, which fit right next to our bed. It was a real crib, with 2 height settings and a side that slid down...and it took up half the space. The dumpling never objected.