(Not) Working for a Living

As happens from time to time in these parts, I've started to think again about work. 

I am just happier when I'm doing something outside the home.  I have sympathy for parents who have to work for financial reasons but really would prefer not to, but I'm on the other side of that: I'm struggling to find a job that pays me enough that I can work.    And it's humbling: to be a 38-year old who used to think of herself as an overachiever who can't find a job that pays at least $18/hour after taxes.* 

Part-time teaching last year was emotionally and intellectually rewarding,  but financially challenging, and regardless, my position, which was funded by discretionary spending, no longer exists.  There's private tutoring, which can pay $50 per hour and up, but after school/early evening would be a complicated time to be away from home, and I'm not really sure how to break in to that racket anyway.

So, I'm back to editing--ideally freelance and from home.  From time to time I apply for jobs on craigslist or wherever, and if I do get a response, the job is invariably in-house and pays $10/hour.  In a fit of industriousness, I recently reached out to former colleagues in an attempt to network and the response rate has been discouraging.  Professionally, I feel just about invisible.

I'm try to live in the moment and just savor this time with the kids--the mornings in the park, the  early evenings in the bath (they have begun sharing a bath and though it's wet and messy, it's generally hilarious), the occasional joys of the synchronous nap--and I know that it's okay to not have another job right now.   

But I worry that I will never work again, that in 5 years they will be in school and child care will be less of a struggle, and I will be 43 and invisible.  And it scares me.   

*This is my current sitter's hourly rate--assuming we could find a mutually workable schedule.  There are less expensive sitters out there, but this is the general ballpark for taking care of two kiddos in my neighborhood.

Comments

[MotherLawyer]

This is what keeps me chained to my job. SIGH. Sucks.

[caro]

Have you ever checked out guru.com? I just took a 'building a writing business' workshop (looking to pick up a project or two on the side), and the teacher recommended it as a good way to connect with potential writing/editing jobs. Haven't used it myself yet, but might be worth a look. (He said the free trial version is basically worthless, but the paid version is useful for finding jobs to bid on.

[Kate]

Word.

I have the same struggles. (Except I won't teach.)

When I do get work (I have a subcontracted agreement), it's always sudden and a rush and I have to stay up way way too late and it ruins my weekend. But I won't pay for a regular sitter for something so irregular.

Let me know if you find the magic bullet :-) In the meantime--I remember the amazingness of starting to bathe both kids at the same time! A whole new universe! (Many flooding incidents, though. Still.)

[JK]

I get it. I will post about my struggles in a post on my blog soon. I'll let you know. Working/Not Working is a BIG theme on my blog... I'm sure it's clear how much I struggle with it, but I'm not sure it's clear WHY I do it. I totally understand being happier having work outside the house and I applaud that you say it. :-)

[Sarah]

Have you tried tutoring kids who are homeschooled or kids who are working actors? Many homeschool parents bring in outside help as their kids get older. What about ACT/SAT prep tutoring? A friend of mine tutored a family of high schoolers. The kids attended a school she taught at before becoming a SAHM. The family had after school activities and didn't need her until 9 p.m., well after her boys had gone to bed.

[midlife mommy]

That is a very legitimate fear. I have always dreamed of being a SAHM, but I know in my heart that I would never be able to get back on the treadmill. I make a good living now, but I'll bet that I could only earn 50% of what I'm making now if I took five years off. Life is very unfair sometimes.

[Elizabeth]

This winter is a bad time to be looking for work in NY. Don't judge your long-term prospects by this winter.

[marie baguette]

what about teaching English to non speakers? I had a private teacher that was paid more than $70 an hour by my company to teach me English. Good luck!

[cat, galloping]

I am reading an interesting book now about the economics of working vs. being economically dependent on a man. It's kind of a polarizing book so I won't mention the title here, but one of the things the author points out is thinking of the economic value of work as being longer term. Even if you are just breaking even on daycare now, you are staying in the job market and building your experience and ultimately you will come out financially ahead. Interesting to think about it from that perspective.

[Jenn (dish)]

I am in the "must work to support the house" camp, but, to be honest, I don't think I would do very well as a SAHM. I give all women who do that a LOT of credit. I love my kids dearly, but I sometimes look forward to Monday morning when I can get out of the house. I know- I'm terrible...

[snickollet]

As near as I can tell, there's no good answer to this dilemma. What's most frustrating is when what you WANT is not the most financially or otherwise realistic option.

[Bobbi]

Tough, this work/SAHM thing...

I thought I wanted to be a SAHM. I begged, pleaded, budgeted. When we realized I was working to break even when you count childcare for 4 in the summertime, I quit. I was so HAPPY. For about 5 minutes.

Honestly, there are many days when I know I am not cut out for this. I was a better mom when I was a working mom. But the logistical nightmare of returning to work, plus the financial constraints, keeps me here with my kids. My poor husband has to listen to me whine every time he goes out to lunch...

There should be an easy answer. But there isn't...

[Carla Hinkle]

I am late again... but I work from home part time. I was a big-firm attorney in my pre-children life, and I have a nice gig now as a contrct attorney. I love it.

But with the amount that I work, and the rate I charge (which is pretty darn good), I just about break even for childcare (I use 25 hours/week).

Of course, I include in that calculus about 10 hours of non-work related childcare -- I give myself the luxury of doing things like the grocery shopping without the kids, or being able to take child #1 to swimming lessons while child #2 stays home for her nap. So it isn't totally working for childcare just to work, if I've bought myself some "leisure" time too. But you get the point, it is a lot of money!

Actually, I do think of it as Cat suggested -- a long-term investment to keep my resume and skills current for when the kids are in school and I don't have to pay such back-breaking nanny fees.

If I have a 3rd kid I don't even want to run the numbers ...

Good luck with the nibbles ...

[Julie]

A friend of mine works with a company called Mom Corps which was designed to leverage the intelligence of so many SAHMs who still want to keep one foot in the work force. She is in NC, so I am not sure how many companies they work with here in NYC, but worth a look. I think their website is www.momcorps.com.

[Monk]

$18 an hour? Really? Is that why I always have such incompetent babysitters? It's the paltry $15 an hour that's doing it?

[caramama]

You are in a very tough position, and I have so much sympathy. But no advice. It just wasn't an option for me to not work. Even if I wanted to stay home, I couldn't really take time off from my career in IT.

I hear freelancing can be good work, but it takes time to build up contacts. Good luck!