Size Matters

Often, when people see The Girl, they comment on her size.  "Oh, she's big!" they say and  take note of her full cheeks or ample thighs.  Since I still tote her around in the Ergo when I can't bear to load her and The Boy into the double stroller, I'm well aware of how heavy she feels.

As I've noted before, I'm not a small girl myself so I believe a certain amount of pudge comes with the genes.  Also, The Boy was on the receiving end of the same comments when he was her age so it wasn't out of left field.

But because The Girl is, well, a girl,  I worried more.  Or worried differently.  With The Boy, it seemed like comments about his size were compliments: see, you're doing a good job as a parent; he's growing...a lot.  With The Girl, I'm not so sure.  "What do you feed her?" people sometimes ask, and what I hear is them asking if she's on a steady diet of french fries and Ring Dings.

So, I was curious to have The Girl weighed at her 9 month visit today:  she is 22 lbs, 12 oz, and 29 inches long.  The doctor plotted these numbers on the  height/weight percentile chart and reported that she was in the 25th-50th percentile for both.  "Huh, she  seems bigger than that," she commented.

I agreed and we weighed  and measured her again, but the numbers were the same.  I hate to say it, but part of me was relieved: 25th-50th percentile means she's small; not too small, but smallish. Appropriately small.   Never have to worry that the store doesn't carry a size 16 small.  But as I left the office and wandered home, the percentiles didn't make sense: she's wearing 12-18 month clothing now.  If she's in the 50th percentile and none of the clothes for her age fit her,  then who actually wears those clothes?

After I got the kids down for the night, I entered the info in several online height/weight calculators and found percentiles that make sense:  she's actually in the 90th  percentile for height and weight on the 9 month charts.  I think the doctor must have been using the 12 month chart to come up with the 25th-50th percentile calculation.

Of course, now I'm embarrassed for that moment of relief at The Girl's purported smallness.  She's healthy; she's happy; she's sleeping.  Nine months is too early to start worrying about clothing size.

Now I'm off to stock up on french fries and Ring Dings for tomorrow's lunch.  Ha.

Comments

[luludavis]

I completely understand. My daughter was 27 pounds, 29.5 inches at 9 months old. At 18 months old, she's 32.5 pounds and 34 inches. I don't mind so much anymore when people say she is so big. I used to worry that they thought i was feeding her sweets. As if. This kid came by her chub through genes and healthy food. Only in the past month has she started having the occasional--maybe once or twice a week--couple of animal crackers or half a biscotti. SHe's jsut wired to be a big baby, according to her pediatrician. I do mind if anyone says that she is heavy or too big to pick up w/ in her ear shot--mostly close relatives say this and i worry that she might somehow remember this and have a poor body image later. so i ask people not to say "too heavy" if she wants to be picked up or flown around the room like an airplane. I make sure i say that mommy's arms are tired or somehting like that. I also try to pick her up and throw her around as much as i can. I don't want her to miss out just b/c she is big for her age. She is "slimming down" now that she is a full blown toddler with that picky toddler appetite and running around like crazy all the time. Some babaies are just big. I think most people do say it admiringly--even of girl babies. At least that is how i try to take it.

[Sara]

My little girl came out at 10 pounds, doubled her weight in 6 months, and at 9 months was 6 standard deviations above the mean for length.

My son had been tall - so I'd already been through the "he's a big one, isn't he?" I wasn't prepared for the difference when your big kid is a girl. It was awful. Much of it was clearly censorious - "You know, you don't have to feed her every time she cries," about a 4 month old - chortles of "She sure must like her food, huh?" and even the occasional comment about her future desirability to boys if I didn't "cut her off" from food.

I much preferred the people who were so blinded by body/gender issues that even when she was wearing bright pink overalls they addressed her as "such a strong little boy! He's gonna be a football player!" At least they were happy to see her.

And we wonder where all the body image crap comes from. Sigh.

At 4.5 years, she's the tallest in her preschool class, but she's completely weight-for-height proportional and very strong and healthy. The only concession I've made to the naysayers is that I refuse to sign her up for ballet or gymnastics. to delay the inevitable "you're so big and gross" issues from others.

[Monica]

Wait a sec...she's sleeping?? As in sleeping through the night on a consistent basis? How did I miss that small (but important) milestone?

Anyway, it seems that no matter where your kids fall on the weight/height chart, if you have issues with your own body, you'll have issues with it, don't you think? My daughter is on the very tiny side (5th percentile) and I always feel like people think I'm starving her because they look at big ol' me and think there is no way I could have a tiny baby.

[cagey]

My 8 month old daughter weighs 19lb 12 oz. And she is tracking very near to what her now 2 year old brother weighed. And yes, I have noticed the same thing with Inquiring Minds wanting to know about her size and what the hell we are feeding her. Bah.

[Melissa]

Both my kids are really big (9+ at birth and at the top of the charts ever since). My son is 8 1/2 months old and is just about the same size as your girl. I get a lot of the same comments, but I never minded it when they were babies. I guess it's because I was shaped the exact same way as a baby, so it seems normal to me. My daughter is almost three and while she's not thin, she has stretched out and no longer has the Buddha belly she sported as a smaller toddler. To me, she looks sturdy and strong.

[MotherLawyer]

I'm really worried about this as I approach the arrival of this little girl of mine. The unbidden thoughts on size . . . I have so much baggage from years of my mother's comments. SIGH. It really is easier with a boy child for this category.

[Erin]

I am glad that you looked on the guidelines yourself, because my son is 22 lb 6 oz at 15 months and is in the 25th percentile! (Mind you, he's from Ethiopia and was below the 3rd percentile at 12 months, so we're thrilled with 25th.) I think she sounds just perfect and adorable, and babies are supposed to have those beautiful cheeks and thighs. The skinny ones just don't look as cute...and sadly, it all melts away when they start to walk and run.

[Dee]

When it comes to baby 'aesthetics,' the "big" ones are just so much cuter :-) This coming from me--whose second girl is now 13 months old and 22 lbs., steadily in the 75th percentile for both height and weight at her 12 month visit. She's a veritable butterball compared to where her big sister was at 12 months.

And, sadly, as Erin posted above, it is started to slowly melt away since the big girl went mobile a few months back. She actually lost 10 ounces from her 12 month doctor visit when they checked her at a sick appointment last week.

My not-so-wee lass has long had the nickname, bestowed by me, tapeworm arms--as in, her arms are so 'segmented' into chub rolls, that they could be mistaken for a tapework, you know, just without the parasitic sucking head part :-)

Society is so screwed up when it comes to size, especially for women. I get a lot of those "she's a big 'un" comments too but I like to take it as a compliment, regardless of whether or not it is. Hopefully, when she's old enough to understand what's being said, she'll take it as a compliment as well.

Boy, we've really got our work cut out for us as the parents of girls--trying to counter the media message that thin is beautiful...and so it begins, unfortunately.

[Kath]

I hear you! My daughter is a very big girl -- off the charts big. I tried plotting her on the percentiles charts and she is well above the 97th for height and weight. (At five months exactly, she weighed 20 pounds exactly.) And she's utterly adorable, in my unbiased opinion, but I do worry she'll have a really hard time in school like I did, at 5'10" in sixth grade.

People ask us all the time too: "What are you FEEDING her?" I used to be slightly hurt by that, but now I shrug it off with a laugh and say "Enfamil Uranium Active."

[Paz]

Glad your little/big girl is sleeping. My boy, who regularly sleeps through the night now (yee-haw), is also big...23+ lbs at 12 months and just shy of 26 at 14.5mos. Tall too. People do comment a lot on his cheeks and size.

He eats everything and anything, even after a big meal he wants to eat anything we are eating...or drinking. I have recently started to think, is his appetite normal?? Crazy thoughts. It is hard to separate our own history with weight and to not view the issue emotionally. I graduated high school 5'6" and a whopping 92lbs. People commented on my weight ALL the time.

I want to raise a boy who is aware that people are different and is secure enough to be OK with any differences people may point out in him.

But I might be talking about myself there, I wish I had been OK with dumb questions like, "Do you eat?"

[Kate]

French fries and Ring Dings for lunch? Can we come? (Srsly. Moxie challenge be damned.)

Miss M has always been tall/big (although not THE biggest or THE tallest)--when she was a baby it garnered a lot more comments. Now it's just sometimes a "Is she tall for her age?" because it's becoming less obvious.

The thing that's a little freaky to me is that she might end up taller than me (easy, I'm only 5'1") or my husband (5'6")--if she takes after my dad (6'2") or my brother (5'11"). Not because I am fearing for her marriage prospects or anything, more about the weirdness of genes.

[Kira]

My boys are the ones who fit the clothes by age. They hover around the 5th to the 10th percentile for height, except my gargantuan middle child, who has been known to brush up against the 20th percentile, WOOOHOO.
And the clothes almost always fit them exactly by age. And people love to comment, "OH MY, you're not very tall, are you?"
People kind of suck.

[Bobbi]

My kids were all big babies. My 4th just weighed in at 28 lbs. at his 12 month appointment and is only 4 inches shorter than his 2 and a half year old sister. I always wished for the teeny baby I could carry around in a sling without breaking my back. But at his birthday party my friends brought their 4 year old who is shorter and weighs less than my son. It seemed so strange to me!

I have found that the toughest part is expectations of abilities based on size, with people expecting my kids to be much more advanced than they are, and not thinking my friend's child is capable of anything. It's tough to negotiate sometimes.

As for clothing, I always go by the "2 times their age" rule...

[Julie]

My 1st daughter weighed 33 lbs at her 12 month apt, and at 3 years weighs exactly the same, but is about a foot taller...they grow into their weight. It's much better to have the big baby, than the small one. My 2nd daughter was 16 lbs at her 12 month. Now at shy of 18 months she is just 17 lbs. At this rate, she'll be rear facing in the car seat until she's in middle school. Ugh.

[Kate]

Julie, at least nobody thinks that you are *depriving* her of sensory experiences because she is rear facing. My son is 23 months (27 lbs) and still rear facing because it really is much safer. (And in his case it is especially helpful: I can see him signing--he doesn't speak--because I can see his mirror from my mirror.)

But I am just sick of explaining...

[kd]

Given that she sounds like she's 90th percentile for both height and weight, she sounds healthy and lovely to me. Some kids have to be the big ones, after all, and....as long as she's weight-height proportional, she's probably great. If she were 90th percentile weight and 50th percentile height, you'd have reason for worry.

Unfortunately, even knowing she's healthy won't insulate you from the comments of ignorant passersby. Sigh.

[alex alder]

my little girl is also 9 months and is 27lb and 74cm long igot sent to a "paedatritian" at the hospital where his medical knowledge stretched to "the graphs" this man gets paid £60,000 a year to decide her weight over some stupis graphs he also suggested i feed her cake!!she has never had any cake or any thing unhealthy!i was fuming
I also hate when people say oh isnt she big? and i say yeah and so what your not exactly kate moss yourself?shes 9 months old and this so called doctor is sending her to a dietian!!!(9 MONTHS OLD(am in the uk)she gets all healthy and is happy healthy baby who is not crawling yet she is in 12-18 months clothes and she has 2 colds in her whole life..years by big babies where seen as good as they tend to get less ill...as i know people that had "goverment ideal" weights and they are always ill with croup..
It really irks me yet when children are under weight they arnt that bothered
i think they should stick to the people that smoke around their children etc more than worrying good mums who have big happy babies..what they dont take into consideration is that me and my lo's father where big!!

rant over !

xxx