Getting Through

That last few weeks I feel like I've been in survival mode.  If I could just get through this emergency room visit, this  round of vomiting, this  trip  to the pediatrician, this tantrum, this freelance assignment, this bedtime, this dinner that The Boy refuses to eat, this nighttime through which The Girl will refuse to sleep.   

Right now I am getting through the remaining 2 days of my husband's business trip.

It just hasn't been very fun.*  Like caro, I want my weekends to be filled with fabulousness, but lately they're filled with obligations or desperate attempts to catch up on sleep.  The Girl will be 11 months on Thursday.  Wasn't it supposed to get easier by now?

I want to have fun.  I want to be fun. I just don't remember how.

*Whenever this thought echoes in my head,  I flash to the scene in  The Big Chill in which Richard--boring, humorless  Richard--offers his world view that "No one ever said it would be fun. At least...no one ever said it to me." And then I get even more depressed that I am
boring, humorless Richard. 

Comments

[Carla Hinkle]

Oh dear. I know that feeling.

For me, that feeling was cured with picking up enough freelance work to pay for some more babysitter time. Even if it was just babysitter time *in order to work more*. It is no shame to need some help.

Please hang in there.

[Amy]

I was a hard core Ferberizer with my son. My daughter was born 22 months after my son, and I did Ferber, but not nearly as successfully. I think with the second your time and energy is divided, especially when they are close together, that it's just so difficult to tame that beast. My daughter, now almost 3, still struggles with sleeping through the night. Luckily not every night, but just the night before last I was in her room at 3 AM trying to find the book she was screaming that she needed.

Then I woke up more and realized that I don't fulfill book demands at 3 in the morning!

[caro]

I was pretty inarticulate about the weekend thing (blame lack of sleep). Maybe will try draft 2 of that later. A big part of our weekend distress is thinking it *should* just be fun. Foiled expectations. Same with baby being 11 months...it is "supposed" to be better, right? So it feels that much worse that it's still a slog.

I hope you get through the rest of the business trip ok, and get a good break when he comes home.

I've never seen (!!!) The Big Chill, but oh shit I'm probably Richard, too, aren't I?

[kate]

I totally feel for you. I have birthed the two worst sleepers in the world (My boy is three next month and my girl is seven months old). Sleep training doesn't work for my kids either. The anger I feel about it freaks me out sometimes. Anyway, I hope you get a break soon. Hang in there.

[AmyinMotown]

Two months into the two-kids thing, I am beginning to think more than one child =survival mode, for at least the foreseeable future. I mean, I grew up in a family of two kids and we had fun, I have a lot of memories of fun with my family and I (whispering here) actually think I am a more skilled mother than my mother was. So it will happen eventually, right? Just not right now.

Sending you prayers for more sleep. You've already done what worked for me (Ferber) so I got nothing more than that.

[snickollet]

I am always wondering when the fun part of being a parent begins. While we have moments of fun and joy, the big picture to me continues--at the age of almost two for the twins--to feel like waiting for the next shoe to drop, the next fire to put out, the next tantrum to arise.

As I write that, I realize that I have a lot to learn about living in the moment.

The drudgery of feeling like I'm just putting one foot in front of the other, trying to get through the next thing only to have another "thing" come up . . . I can totally relate even if I can't leave a coherent comment.

[Emily]

I love that Richard comment too and always laugh to myself whenever I find myself whinging out loud about how hard things are.

Hope things get easier soon...

[Slim]

Richard's life just fell apart when he stopped working as a detective in San Francisco.

Oh, crap, I'm the only one old enough to remember Ironside, huh? Wait! I watched it in re-runs!

[DD]

My husband and I were talking about this last night: what we considered fun then compared to now. We then started to realize that nowadays those who act like we are "fun" may also just be feeling sorry for us old farts.

And I have many days where I am surprised to hear myself laugh or feel joy. We all need to be less surprised by those feelings.

[caramama]

Please let me know if you figure out how to have on the weekends again. I'm in sore need of fun weekends. For me, it feels like we have so many obligations and catching up with errands and household things that there is no time for anything else.

It'll get better for all of us though. I mean, it has to, right? Eventually? Like when the kids move out of the house?

BTW, I've been thinking about you and hoping you are getting through this rough time. Good luck.

[cagey]

My kids are the same ages as yours and boy, do I hear you. Just when I think things are getting easier, someone gets sick or decides to work on some more teeth.

My husband claims that "life is not supposed to be fun". Bah. What a spoilsport!

[Lissie]

Mine are 20 months apart, and it started getting easier when my younger son was about 18 months old and actually started sleeping a bit more. Now, they're almost 3 (next week!) and 4.5, and it's lots and lots more fun. Of course, now I'm pg with #3 so we're starting all over again in a month!