Suburban Mystery

Yes, I grew up in the suburbs, but I never planned to go back so I wasn't really paying attention.  Now that we're thinking about moving there--thinking about it long enough to spend a significant chunk of our days on realtor dot com--it all seems like such a mystery.  A dark mystery.

The suburbs I think of now are those described by Rick Moody or Richard Yates and they are dark places.  Twisted places.  They are not places you want to bring your kids to visit much less live.

Except. Well, except for the yards and the amply sized houses and the good schools.  You know, those insignificant things.  So, even though this move feels like the right thing for us at this time on so many levels, it also feels wrong.

I find myself thinking about things that I don't generally worry about, like whether I have time to get my hair cut before we start meeting with realtors or what I'll wear or how we'll disguise the giant gash in the side of our car.  Where is that coming from?

This week I began calling realtors about rental properties.  Today, a woman asked me about my religious background (not totally out of left field--this was in connection with church-run pre-schools) and when I said I didn't have one, she was eerily silent.  That wouldn't happen here in the big city.  Later in the conversation I revealed that I hadn't changed my name after I got married.  She found this novel.  It made me feel like I'd stepped into a time machine. 

What are we getting ourselves into?

Comments

[cat, galloping]

oh stop! there are plenty of atheists out here and lots of people who didn't change their names! and i personally feel a much greater need to cut my hair and dress nicely when i go to the big city than when i'm hanging out in the 'burbs. to be quite frank, lots of people dress atrociously out here! (feel better?) ;-)

[jconroy]

I think your realtors reactions might have to do with her generation not that she lives in the burbs. i live in the burbs. i don't have a religion. i didn't change my name. and half the days I don't shower, throw on a baseball cap and go about my day without ever hearing a comment about any of it. it's fine out here. don't be afraid. good luck with the house hunt.

[SarcastiCarrie]

Hi, I'm a suburban dweller (suburban Chicago) and I totally feel more self conscious about what I'm wearing when I go to the city. See, in the suburbs I wear gym shoes (also called sneakers, tennis shoes, or athletic shoes depending on your geography).

But, in the city, everyone wears sandals, Uggs, cute slides, sandals with HEELS, etc.
And if I drive to the city instead of taking the train, then I have to find parking for my pick-up truck, which is funny in the city because sure, plenty of people drive SUVs, but not trucks.

And I didn't change my name when I married and we have no relgious affiliation. No one bats an eye about that.

I think you have a case of first-impression-itis more than a city/suburb thing. You just want everyone to know that you're good people and your kids are nice and don't you want a play date with us?

[S]

You are going to be a breath of fresh air for a lucky surburb.

[caro]

Huh. Glad that some suburban dwellers are here to shed light on the irrational reaction to a new place ... I sure didn't recognize it as one before they chimed in--whoops!

Along the same lines (and I do recognize this as nuts), I always feel like compulsively locking my car doors when I go to the suburbs. Because people are so DIFFERENT there I know they will be interested in getting into my 15 year old rust bucket of a car and stealing our sticky car seats.

[Slim]

Maybe you're not looking at the right suburbs? Because yeah, plenty of uppity heathen women in the 'burbs.

[midlife mommy]

What are you getting yourself into? A relationship with a close-minded real estate agent! I don't think that I've ever discussed my religion with a neighbor. Or theirs.

[Mrs. Sprinkles]

You definitely need to watch The Burbs (with Tom Hanks) before you move--there's suburbia for you!

[Amy]

Honestly, I think this might be a function of Westchester/ CT. I recently moved away from Larchmont, where going to Starbucks is an excellent time to view the latest fashion trends. Any chance you're thinking northern Westchester? :)

[Jill]

A lot probaby depends on which suburb you choose, but it's also about figuring out the right mindset regarding the people there.

Although my town has more than its share of unbelievable snobs (they appear to dress up to go food shopping--but it's at a supermarket I can't afford for weekly shopping anyway!), they're usually as happy to avoid me as I am them. Plus, a few can sometimes surprise me with a good sense of humor or other display of actual humanity.

I certainly wouldn't say I love the people in my town, but I gravitate toward the people who are down to earth. May be harder to find them, but there are generally at least a few out there...they're usually the other ones wearing jeans and ponytails :-)

[caramama]

I think you just figured out your interviewing process for realtors and rental properties! Somehow drop in that you don't have a religion and kept your own last name and see how they react!

Too bad you aren't looking in the DC area. You could move by me and I'd show you some non-uppity types. Although, there are some uppity types, too. I just steer clear of them.

[Monica]

I'm just catching up on all of this -- wow! -- and I feel the exact opposite. Everyone in the city always seems to cool and put together that I endlessly stress about what to wear when I go. But, of course, that's what always happens when you're dealing with something unfamiliar to you. All suburbs, I imagine, have all kinds of people, though some attract more laid back types than others. I'm sure you'll find something that works for you. Man, I wish your move to the suburbs was taking you my way!

[Paz]

It is illegal, yes honestly, for a realtor to ask you what religion you are... But I digress, I am a city dweller, but we have considered moving to the parts of the city that are the 'burbs' to us (have to drive everywhere, etc.) I really don't want to move, but I know I will be OK. Life will be OK. It won't inherently change us. But, life with child/ren may be easier. You'll still be BrooklynGirl no matter where you live and you'll still have that special youness that brings us all to your blog and that can offset burbitis.

But gripe on, it is a bold move, a big change.

[MLB]

Where are you looking? I grew up in Northern Westchester and none of these things were an issue twenty years ago. This doesn't sounds like the place I grew up. Maybe in Joisey. ;)