The Upside

As it turns out, the prophylaxis for Lyme disease exposure in children is amoxicillin, and as it happens The Girl is already on that for the ear infection she was diagnosed with last week.  Hooray for ear infections!*

*****

I think we found a rental house.  It is small, but has a third bedroom, a sun porch, and a small yard.  My husband will be a 10 minute drive from his new job.  We can walk to a playground, a few stores, and a nursery school that probably won't have room for The Boy (who isn't potty trained anyway, as the school requires), but we'll see.  The town has a reputation for snootiness, and it's unlikely that we could afford to buy there, but for whatever reason, the rentals were more affordable and in better condition than the less snooty towns where we're more likely to end up.

Yesterday, we went out to "celebrate" this life change at a neighborhood bistro (while the kids were with the sitter).  We watched a father have a reasonably calm and delightful lunch with his two children--the sort of thing we never manage to do--and felt a pang about all that we'll be giving up.

"If you can make it [here], you can make it anywhere," is the way the song goes, and the decision to leave is the admission that we're not making it.  It feels like quitting.  It feels like surrender.  It feels awful.

Some of you have suggested that being happy in our suburban life is a state of mind, and I agree that it is.  Besides, it's not easy (or desirable) to boo-hoo in front of The Boy and The Girl who will struggle with this move in more elemental ways.  I know I will find good things in the  'burbs, but right now all I can think of is what we're leaving behind.

*Generally speaking, it is rare to contract Lyme disease from a tick--especially a tick that was discovered within 24 hours--but this particular tick was picked up in Connecticut, where Lyme disease is a real issue, and on the property of my in-laws, who have struggled with Lyme disease on and off for years.

Comments

[anita]

It's sad that you feel like you're surrendering and it's sad that people have to move out of the urban areas they love because they can't afford the amount of space they want or need to remain sane. I think in order for sustainability we are really going to have to start transforming suburban areas into more urban-like centers. Really curious to see how you're going to fare in this new environment. Good luck!

[Cat, galloping]

congrats and welcome.

[libby]

This is of little or no comfort, but I'm guessing my sister lives either near said snooty town, or in snooty town, and a longish bout with some random illness did require her to get tested.

Of course they tell you that the tests are fallible, and that well, frankly, if you have Lyme it doesn't always show up, and sometimes when you don't have it, you test positive anyway...so she did a monthlong cycle of antibiotics and got on with her life.

So the following summer, when a tiny deer tick was plucked off her son at camp, she was actually pretty calm about it.

I love that the beautiful low stone walls that surround every house are called "tick walls" and that the kids know not to sit on them. Lord.

But best of luck to you and the family.

[Jill]

I'm glad her meds worked out.

I'm not suggesting it is easy to just make up your mind to be happy. I am acknowledging what we lost, as well as focusing on the gains. We are still adjusting.

[caramama]

This must be really hard for you, and you are totally allowed to mourn what you are leaving behind. You feel what you feel, and everything you feel is valid.

Good luck with the whole thing!

[michelle]

as i drove out of manhattan 2 years ago with my one-month-old, and last belongings stowed in the car, to move to a tiny, rural wmass. town, i cried. and cried. and cried. but the good news is tho you feel now like you're quitting, there's a good chance once you've moved, you'll feel more like: been there, done that -- 'conquered nyc' so to speak, accomplished what you set out to -- b/c really, you both had jobs, you had two kids and a great (tho small) apt. so it's not like you're quitting, just leaving, right? i think quitting is when you leave after working a 25k job for 18 months and get sick of having 5 roommates and a crappy apt. it's not quitting when you have 2 kids in park slope -- you made it! i miss the city, but i also feel like once you've moved on, after the experience of 'making it in nyc' even if not for the family long-haul, that feeling turns into a sort of "badge of courage/gold star" that never goes away and feels pretty good, instead of like "movers remorse" if that makes sense. and tho i'm not in the burbs, i found that family life here rocks! i think once you get into a new routine, and see your kids having fun in the yard, and going in and out the door every two minutes, you'll polish off a glass of wine and be quite OK with it all. also, i think life is about saying yes to new things...in the end, i think it makes for a more fulfilling journey. sometimes you fall on your face, but mostly, you land on your feet and wind up with a whole new experience/perspective on things that serves you well in the end. good luck!

[rosie]

we're moving out of the city to the suburbs in a month. i'm in a panic...i've loved raising my twins here but we can't afford our rent anymore, we can't afford to buy, we can't afford to send them to school here. you know the story. i'm so sad to be abandoning the city...i feel safe among all the people. i feel less safe in a quiet ground floor house. i guess all of this is to say you're not alone! hopefully we'll both survive.

[cat, galloping]

erm, so my comment wasn't really in keeping with your tone. oops.

anyway i don't think you failed in the city. i think your husband got a job in the suburbs.

[Kate]

I hope you find some great neighbors and a great playground right away--and that you are able to take advantage of your husband's 10 minute commute!

It will be different, absolutely, and you should allow yourself to wallow a little, in private. Your kids will probably adjust much faster, which could be shocking and feel like a betrayal on their part. (If we go ahead with our transatlantic move I am sure I will be dealing with the same.)

At the same time, I hope you find the sunny side of the street! And South Norwalk has some great things to do with kids....why I know this I have no idea, but it's true :-)

[meanmama]

I will be interested to read what your experience is like. I have a love/hate relationship with living in NYC with small children. But then, who doesn't?