By the I-95 Off Ramp, I Pulled Over and Wept

I remain completely overwhelmed.  It's not surprising or interesting, but it's true.

Ultimately, I think we're moving in the right direction for our family, but maybe leaving the way we did--so quickly--was a mistake.  We need to find our groove here and move on because right now every day is about what we're missing instead of what we've gained. 

This afternoon when everything was imploding, I steered the car to the beach and the (vaguely) salty air and the water redeemed us all.  I was glad we were there--that we're here.  Now, how to create the mood when we're not covered in sand.

Comments

[caramama]

Do you have a backyard in the burbs? If so, how about a sandbox?

Really though, it's just going to take time. Moving is one of life's big stressors, especially going to a place that you were not sure of. I think you should allow yourself to mourn your loss. Hopefully you will be able to concentrate on the good things and give it time to adjust.

Good luck! And vent all you need!

[May]

Yeah, I'm with you. We did the move when our baby was three weeks old, so those postpartum hormones were raging. So, vent away.

[caro]

So hard. Yuck.

Fall's a good time of year for finding grooves, though, right?

[Jill]

We are a few weeks ahead of you, and it does get better with time. Caramama is right, it is grief. We still have some moments of mourning our losses, even though we have gained so much. We try to acknowledge both. Hang in there, it will get better.

[Jennifer]

I'm so sorry that this is hard. We are planning on moving with two little ones too and I am scared to leave behind our friends and the familiar landscape.

[CS]

I've never commented before but felt compelled to say I totally understand what you are saying. For me, the first year was awful. I was homesick for what I knew and just hated where I was. Then suddenly, I was in love with my new life. I found everything I missed and now, six years later, I can't imagine going back. It's hard, yes, but the rewards can be incredible. My biggest recommendation is to not do what I did. I spent the first year refusing to recognize the good about where we were and I still think back to that year and wince with how painful it was. Give yourself a few months to mourn and then look forward. Good luck!

[Monica]

I am right there with you (like always, right? We do tend to lead somewhat parallel lives). I continue to mourn my old town, but also feel happy to arrive home. I hope you find what you are looking for in your new community. I think you will.

[cat, galloping]

From one former brooklyn girl to another... There are things you will always miss about Brooklyn, but I think you will grow to like it here.

[libby]

I was north [at the other snooty CT town] this past weekend for my sister's birthday and took my daughter to the beach. I'm sure you are feeling confused and overwhelmed, but if it takes the occasional infusion of sand to help, then glory be - I'm all for it.

Much luck in the coming weeks! Trust me when I say kids are BEYOND resiliant. Boy and Girl will love it there, because you are there.

[Sarah]

When I moved from Berkeley to Baltimore, it was summer, and all of the fruit and tomatos in Balto were just awful. I was so utterly sad. My father smuggled tomatos and nectarines from CA to MD for me. When I moved from Boston to Berkeley, I only read mystery novels set in Boston. Moving is really hard--especially when it is on a compressed timetable. I know you'll adjust, but damn it is hard.

[midlife mommy]

Aw, hugs. It does take time to adjust, even moving from one suburb to another. You have to find new everythings. But it does fall into place. I promise.

[Kira]

Moving is so, so hard. And wearying.
It will get better. Promise.

[Heather]

Lots of hugs. Such a drastic move is very hard. Try to be kind to yourself.

[Sarah]

How are you holding up?

[Megan]

Hope you are okay - as all have mentioned, a move is so very stressful and unsettling. It's just at the top of the list, stress-wise. Take good care, do whatever you need to to feel better - beach, trips back "home", whatever. You will feel better soon, I'm sure. Please hang in there and keep us posted.

[Bobbi]

Hope you are well....

[Julie]

I, too, recently was plucked from the streets of Park Slope and dropped not only into the suburbs, but the suburbs of Nashville, TN! Our reasons are similar to yours, but also financial (how long can you live in a place where it feels like it costs $20 just to walk outside?). When the homeless man told my 3 year old to shut the F up when she was crying and she responded equally ugly back to him, I decided we've had enough and my dreams of raising kids in the city have since died. The solitude is comforting, yet alarming. Our lack of religion so obvious (to the detrement of our kids perhaps?). Culture shock is one word. To your point though, it's the best decision for this family at the moment, so I am making the best of it. Oh - and my husband's work which brought us here (music) also plucked him right out of my hands and back to NYC after being here with me for just 5 days. So it has been just me and the kids for 5 weeks now! Ugh. I wish you the best - feel free to email me to commiserate!

[Rach]

Thinking of you and hoping it is getting easier and better...

[Toni]

Hope all is well. Thinking of you.