A month or so ago I posted about my sister-in-law, who was the teeensiet bit frustrated because she and my brother had been TTCing #2 for about 5 months and hadn't yet been successful. This morning they called to let me know their luck had changed: #2 is in the oven. The due date? Christmas Day.
I responded the only way I knew how: I congratulateed them, asked how C. was feeling, volunteered that yes, it must be hard to suffer from morning sickness when you're chasing a toddler around, although of course I don't have any first-hand knowledge of that.
They were sweet about it: we're all supposed to go on vacation with my parents in June and, fearing the trip would be dominated with lots of pregnancy talk, they offered to postpone telling my folks until after the vacation. They also said they understood if we preferred to skip the trip altogether. I told them no on both fronts--that we're thrilled for them and don't need to be treated with kid gloves. And maybe that's true.
Mostly, though, I just want to curl up in a ball in a dark room and cry until I can't cry anymore.
Oh, sweetie. I'm so sorry. It's so hard to always be happy for others, never for ourselves. And even though the happiness is genuine and heartfelt, it carries with it the pang of that awful question: am I going to be the only person on the face of the earth who never gets a break?
You will be a mother someday, that I know, and these bad moments will lose their sting. Until then, just know that you've got a lot of women holding your virtual hand and sending you genuine love.
Posted by: getupgrrl | May 15, 2004 at 11:18 AM
Gee...five months? How excruciatingly heartbreaking....NOT!
It's hard to be gracious. I wish you luck with that, but even more (much better, super really good luck) with your own baby quest.
Posted by: Kristine | May 15, 2004 at 06:12 PM
Oh, dear, that sucks. I mean, yay for them, of course, but it still doesn't mean you can't be sad for you. Hell, my sister tried for three years, but I was still sad for me when she finally got pregnant, happy as I was for her. It just sucks, and there's no better way to say it. Just know we feel for ya, hon.
Posted by: jen | May 16, 2004 at 11:48 AM
It sounds like you behaved absolutely beautifully. Good for you.
And a nice cathartic cry sounds good too.
Posted by: Julia S | May 16, 2004 at 06:15 PM
Ouch. No matter how happy we are for others, and how nice they are about it, it still hurts like shit!
Holding your hand.
T
Posted by: Tertia | May 17, 2004 at 12:26 AM
I second everything said above, especially about the cathartic cry.
Posted by: Christine | May 17, 2004 at 01:08 AM
Sending out a big old cyber hug...
**HUG**
Hang in there.
Posted by: Julie Bean | May 17, 2004 at 10:20 AM
I was also going to say that you should sit down and indulge in that good cry. I've done that numerous times after talking with friends who announced their pregnancies to me. The worst was when my best friend called with her good news right after I found out I had PCOS (after TTC for 8 months). I WAS happy for her but when I hung up I sobbed those great big heaving sobs that can't seem to come out fast enough to relieve the pain. I did the same thing coming home from her baby shower and after I got her happy phone call when her daughter was born,just about a week after my own miscarriage (after a very rocky and short pregnancy).
You were very classy towards your SIL and it was nice of her to be considerate of your feelings in regard to the vacation. I really, really hope that soon you can SHARE the experience of pregnancy with her. *hugs*
Posted by: Heidi | May 18, 2004 at 03:00 AM
I was due on Christmas day of this year too, but lost the baby last week, after 2 years of TTC, one failed IVF cycle, and the last FET. My big fear now is that my SIL will become the first in the family to have a baby-it feels awful to say it, but it feels like it should be our turn first. I hate not being able to genuinely celebrate with people-but it will pass. I commend you on being so gracious. It's easier when they at least try to be sinsitive, isn't it? Bless you- you're in my thoughts.
Posted by: Tuli | May 18, 2004 at 09:38 AM
What a heart breaking situation! And I so hate it when I hear people who already have kids gripe when they haven't even been ttc an average amount of time. It sounds as though you handled the situation as gracefully as possible.
Hugs to you!
Posted by: Jen | May 18, 2004 at 08:27 PM