Cornered

Forewarned is forearmed: lots of pregnancy talk in this post.

We haven't decided when we're going public with The Project.  There was a small handful of people in whom we had confided: our parents, some close girlfriends who listened to my IVF whining, and--you know--the Internet.  But that was it.

Until Friday.

On Friday, the principal at my school flattered me enormously by offering me a job for the fall.  I would love this job, but as it happens I'm due at the end of August and assuming things go as scheduled (uh huh), there's no way I'll be ready to show up for work the Tuesday after Labor Day.  This job, though, is calendar-specific.  They need someone for that particular semester (though the position would continue thereafter).

Part of the job would start soon...as in next week soon.  So after she offered me the job, she grabbed my hand to pull me into the Director of Operations office so he could fill out some emergency paperwork that would get me my teaching license almost immediately.  I stuttered, I stammered, I blushed furiously, and because I could think of nothing else to do, I got up and closed her office door and said, "There's something I have to tell you."

And so she knows.  She was very sweet about it, wished me well, and told me not to be a stranger when I was ready to teach again (I will continue my current student teaching until June).  I told her that I wasn't planning to share this news with anyone else just yet, and she said she understood completely, and then I opened her office door and walked outside.

Where the entire English department was staring at me.  She had asked everyone's opinion of me for the job, you see, so they all knew what was supposed to have gone on, but clearly things hadn't gone as planned.  "Do you want to talk about it?" my cooperating teacher asked me, and because I still couldn't think of a creative way around it, I took her into the hallway and told her too.

"This is very new," I said.  "I've had some losses, and we're nervous and weren't planning to tell anyone yet."  She said she understood and would keep quiet, and then I said I needed to take a walk to collect myself and there--in a hallway that had filled with students and teachers changing classes--she called after me, "Congratulations!"

Motherfucker.  It feels certain that the whole deparment will know by Monday if they don't already.

I feel awfully superstitious about all this, and though it will now be a little easier to explain my need for schedule flexibility vis-a-vis doctors' appointments, I wish I still had my privacy.

Comments

[Kinneret]

I guess she falls into the category of "people unclear on the concept".
Yeesh.
Sorry about the job thing, but it sounds like you're a much wanted resource there. Hopefully something else will come up at a more convenient time for you.
Good luck with your steps into the "visible" world.

[Suz]

That behavior is either completely clueless or a little evil. I wish you the best of luck and congratulations on being offered the job.

[Moxie]

I'm sorry she spilled your news, but they like you! They really like you!

[Emma Jane]

Oh man. You were trying so hard to do the right thing... and, what sucks is, probably so were they, however ungraceful they were about it.

(And Moxie's right!)

[Menita]

Not to scare you or anything, but...be prepared now for about three straight weeks of "do you know if it's a boy or a girl?"

[Becki]

I hate when people who are supposed to be keeping a very important confidence blow it within the first thirty seconds.

Try to remember that people knowing has absolutely zero impact on how things turn out. I hope these people can be kind and sensitive and keep their ever-lovin' mouths shut.

[Frances]

Hi,

Long time lurker here and I Just wanted to say that I totally understand that feeling of vulnerability after sharing your news. I'm in a similar boat - I had some losses last year and I actually think you and I are due on the same damn day (I'm currently 15w4d). Last night my husband and I were out with friends that we hadn't seen in quite a while (probably because of pregnancy problems, which these friends were unaware of) and somehow because of the way we were being questioned about our future, we ended up telling them. Suddenly there was this roar of excitment and toasting and I wanted to die. People were joking about my husband knocking me up and baby names and so forth and I sat there nervous and sweating profusely and feeling totally out of control.....

I'm sorry you were put in that position to have to say something when you weren't quite ready (although they obviously DO really like you!) And of course the other thing that sucks is that you can't just be blissfully and ignorantly pregnant for the first time, that because of your experiences you have to still be so protective of this news.

[Cat]

damn. secret means secret. sorry she couldn't get that.

[Wavery]

You got cornered. Man. Maybe they'll respect your wished and not spread it. Maybe.

[Bridget]

Speaking as someone who told everyone about my very high risk pregnancy early on - it did help to have the support and good wishes of those around me - it was good energy, and it helped. This does not excuse her behavior, but maybe a little good will come out of it if everyone does find out.

[JulieB]

Sorry you had to tell the way you did. (Congrats on the job offer, by the way!)

I understand your reservation in spreading the news. IF and miscarriages will do that to you. But you have gotten through the first trimester and done wonderfully on your prenatal testing. It's time to try to enjoy this pg!

Hope you won't be such a stranger on the 30-something board. Would love to see you posting on the grads thread.

-Julie

[Andrea]

I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I completely understand the self-preservation thing, as I am there too. I wish there was a way to make people understand your need for cautiousness - but I don't have any good methods myself... except to not tell them until you've given birth! I am 14 weeks - and have only told 2 friends - one who insisted on knowing everything since the beginning of 3 years of pain. And STILL when I told her how nervous I was, how I could not have any baby things in the house, how we have not told our families, how I am high risk for many scary and awful complications - she keeps giving me baby stuff and talking baby showers. And it hurts and it makes me MORE anxious, and yet nothing I say can seem to get through to her. I know it's human nature to want to be positive for your friends - but it also seems almost dismissive to your fears. Just don't let anyone tell you your cautiousness is not valid. Here's to a smooth ride in the future!

[Karen]

I still haven't told my boss yet that I'm "expecting." I'm going to wait until our stuff's in China. And even then I'm going to be freaking out.

They do like you, which is a big thing. And it's a big thing for people to know, I know. Hang in there, girl.

[Sarcastic Journalist]

isn't it funny how these things end up getting announced? I announced mine after I got written up for being tired/lazy/sick on the job.