I made my first baby-specific purchase last night: I ordered some bedding. I have this notion that, with the bedding in hand, I'll be able to pick out a color to paint the walls and then, because everything matches, I'll appear to have some competence in the field of wanna-be parenting.
I was waiting for a sign that it was time to buy the bedding--a burning bush, a shooting star, a 50% off sale--but none of those things happened so I just wandered over to the computer, credit card in hand, and ordered some. Just like that. After the fact, I worried about the jinx factor: could one both crow about successful 28-week appointments and buy baby accoutrements while still avoiding the evil eye? Since I had my second NST this morning, I figured I would know soon enough.
I had a different tech this morning. She hooked me up to the machine but turned the volume way down so at first I couldn't actually hear a heartbeat. I lay on the bed getting all sweaty and panicky until she saw my wide eyes and turned up the volume. She handed me the button to press when I felt movement and then she left. And I waited. And waited. And waited.
Eventually she came back. "The baby's asleep," she said and before I knew what was happening, she put this little gadget against my belly, pressed a button, and produced the most jarring sound imaginable: sort of a cross between a really loud raspberry and an alarm clock. Instantly, I felt the baby thrash around and the heart beat jumped a good 20 points. "The baby's awake now," she chuckled as she left.
I was astonished. It was clearly an effective device, and it was, I must confess, enormously satisfying to see the appropriate increase in heart rate and feel so much activity, but it seemed a little...mean. The kid will need therapy before it's even born.
The kids going to blame you for everything...might as well start now :)
Posted by: Toni | June 13, 2005 at 02:12 PM
Oh yeah, I remember that. My kid kicked the living daylights out of me whenever they did that. And at six months old she still jumps and cries at loud noises. Bad nurse. Bad.
Posted by: Karin | June 13, 2005 at 02:23 PM
Ahh, the non-stress test. How much I don't miss my twice weekly date with the machine. One tip (possibly assvice, but hey it might help) drink some cold water and/or eat a small snack just before the test. Worked like a charm on my daughter - we never once had the buzzer. The NST's will get more routine as you go along - even boring.
Posted by: bridget | June 13, 2005 at 02:24 PM
Wait they call this a non-stress test? Irony anyone? Perhaps you can soften the blow by banging pots and pans round your belly before each appointment. Then the project really can blame it all on momma.
Posted by: Cat | June 13, 2005 at 03:25 PM
When I went into pre-term labor and they were trying to get a good view of my son on the u/s the doctor ended up banging on his head with the wand to try to get him to move it for a clearer view. I was too shocked to say anything. Plus being punched with a wand in the abdomen kind of knocked the wind out of me. Those people are twisted, I tell you.
Posted by: lisa | June 13, 2005 at 04:21 PM
For my first Level 2 U/S the tech couldn't get a good view of one of the heart chambers. She had me rolling on my left, rolling on my right..all the while calling the baby a "Stubborn kid."
"C'mon stubborn kid, move already." "Stubborn kid, just a little to the left." I felt as though she was cursing my future before I even had a chance to deal with it.
When none of that worked she started violently jiggling my stomach/uterus. I mean I was brusied the next day it hurt so bad. I wanted to take the u/s and shove it up her... but I didn't.
I haven't bought the bedding yet either. But since you have been so brave I think I will have to follow suit.
Posted by: Amanda | June 13, 2005 at 04:38 PM
Heh. Giggling over here. (People in the next cube must be wondering why.) Do you get to SEE the baby at the NST as well or just hear/monitor?
Posted by: Cat, Galloping | June 13, 2005 at 04:48 PM
Im curious, do some doctors order NST on a routine basis? The only women I know who have had them, had them for some a specific reason (babys movement slowed down ect...) Or did I miss something and there is a specific reason?
Posted by: Amie | June 13, 2005 at 05:53 PM
I'm so glad to see things are going so well. I bought our crib yesterday and it FREAKED ME OUT!
I'm so happy for you, but poor kid with that crazy noise. ;)
Posted by: Andrea | June 13, 2005 at 05:58 PM
Bridget--Not assvice at all, but I did eat and drink before the appointment to no avail. In this heat, I don't blame the kid for sleeping.
Amie--The NSTs are because of my thrombophilia (Factor V) which carries a risk of placental infarction.
Posted by: Brooklyn Girl | June 13, 2005 at 06:22 PM
Okay, even though I have been reading your blog for awhile, I didn't know about that. Thanks for clearing that up.
Posted by: Amie | June 13, 2005 at 08:38 PM
Um, not sure how to tell you this, but i think you are having a baby. GO BUY STUFF, ASSHOLE!! or else i am taking that buzz thingy and sticking it up your, well you know where.
Posted by: Tertia | June 14, 2005 at 06:49 AM
Ah, Tertia....tellin' it like it is. =>
Posted by: Brooklyn Girl | June 14, 2005 at 04:36 PM
One time they just left me there and the machine ran out of paper so I decided the NST was over and wandered out into the reception area with my belly strapped up. We had a laugh. I always had them turn out the lights so I could relax. It's so nice to lie there listening to the baby's heart beat.
Posted by: Rayne of Terror | June 24, 2005 at 10:07 AM