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Tundragirl

Thank you for writing about this. I am one day short of 35 weeks, and having trouble with all of the above. I want to just enjoy the anticipation and get ready, but a large part of me still doesn't think I'm going to end up with a baby.

What can we do? How can we tinker with our way of thinking to be as positive as possible? I've decided that it doesn't matter whether I "count on" coming home with a healthy infant or keep the notion at a distance, the devastation would be the same. So why not look forward happily? It isn't that easy.

Also, being at nearly 35 weeks, I'm having a hard time with the uncertainty. When is this going to happen? What will be the end result? When will the suspense finally come to an end? I had my daughter at 34 weeks, so I am now both 1) larger and more uncomfortable than I ever was with her and 2) aware that labor could come at any time. Also, my post-delivery difficulties and intervening uterine troubles during the past five years put me at risk for certain other unhappy outcomes (hemorrhage, hysterectomy), so that is part of the trepidation as well.

Any other musings on this subject would be appreciated. It helps to hear other perspectives from people with similar hesitations about planning ahead.

cat

May I say that you are prepared in ways that no one could imagine for the project that will hopefully soon become so much more. Here's to the day you can "play mom" in real time.

Amanda

I think it is so hard to overcome this superstition. We place a lot of added extra pressure on ourselves thinking that if we buy a onesie that it will some how harm the baby. And yet, it seems perfectly logical to me.

I had to let go of this recently as my contractions started coming more frequently and the fear of a baby born two months early loomed in front of me. It is still there, but now that we are almost at the "safety zone" it is starting to go away. The "other room" still won't be painted and the furniture won't be put together. That isn't going to happen until the baby is here. BUT, the bassinet is on the way. Something I never would have allowed before.

Tiny little steps towards acceptance. And when it feels right it feels right.

Hoping you continue your tiny little steps.

Cat, Galloping

Yes I think we're all pretending till it's in our arms. I can tell I'm feeling more confident than you are, but it still doesn't feel definite, because it's not.

I try to calm myself with the knowledge that this is probably the time I'll have to worry LEAST about him! Imagine the panic that will set in when he lives outside of my body? In a world filled with germs! and kidnappers! and environmental hazards! and fast-moving cars and buses! and mean kids at school!

Feeling better yet? Yeah, I tend to have that effect on people.

Melinda

Oh, BG. You're ME, only 2 months ahead. I am still so, so, so scared, at 25 weeks. I rented a BabyBeat and it's my lifesaver. Yes, even in your 8th month the babybeat can be reassurance for you. Think about it.
Best of luck... you're in the home stretch.

S.

Me too. I feel I am in the "I think I'm pregnant and may have a baby" twilight zone. I'm about a week behind you. Although I have purchased a few things, I have them stashed (still in the original packages and shopping bags) in a dark out of the way closet. I'm due for a fetal growth u/s next week at 33 weeks (pissed away a few days -- okay almost a week - before I could manage to call and make the appointment.) I am terrified of u/s's. Terrified.

S.

beaver girl

25 weeks here - I dreamt last night of getting my period. It was so real - the panic, the anger, the shame. It's hung with me all day.

Yes, I can feel it move sometimes, and yes, we've got the doppler - but I still can't wrap my head around there being a real baby in there. It's still too abstract. And we've been through too much and seen/read too much, right?


Anne

So there with you. I just made 24 weeks today and had a big scare last week. It seemed I had the makings of a nice little UTI so I went into the docs office to get it checked out and oh the tizzy that ensued over my rather high BP, 146/90 – fun times! It was my worst nightmare come to life. Thankfully after the collection of many samples of bodily fluid things seem to point towards being really bad about my salt intake and the UTI itself contributing to the blip in my BP (a blip that has calmed down to more acceptable levels). But as I was driving around looking for a blood pressure monitor (I’ll be checking my BP twice daily for the rest of this pregnancy doctor’s orders) that I could buy at a reasonable price that actually worked like it was suppose to all I could think about was, “Hope is a FUCKEN BITCH!” I was so scared that I had ruined everything and essentially killed my baby by the simple fact of acknowledging him, you know saying hello and rubbing my belly when he kicks kind of stuff. Sure it’s nice to have those reminders that this baby is real but it’s never really far from my mind that this could all be taken away from me at any moment.

But I’m also a rebellious sort and so this weekend while Macy’s was having a sale I went out actually purchased some baby clothes. It felt good to flip fear the bird, very liberating, but the fear still lurks in the corners of my mind.

I agree with you about the playing mom stuff and I’m not sure if/when that will ever change.

Kinneret

I hear you. Today at the OBs office, the nice doc said "so, what would you like to talk about today?"

And I said "Birth plans? Because it looks like I might actually be having a baby at some point." At which point I literally reached out and touched wood.

I have to give him props, he didn't bat an eyelid.

I will admit - I have purchased a few things (mostly garage sales, I can't resist a bargain)and registered because people have been haunting me to do so ...but the room is just that. And nothing - nothing has been done to it. Zip. Zero. Nada.

Becki

I lost my second and third pregnancies without warning at 16 weeks. I thought I would relax in my last pregnancy if and when I passed that week mark, but I didn't. I wore my rented BabyBeat doppler like some people wear their iPods. Not until I was in the hospital to be induced, and had a monitor on me constantly so I could hear the baby's heartbeat, did I relax a little.

From my perspective, how you're handling things is perfectly natural. Don't worry about not having a nursery outfitted to the nines. All the kid's going to need for the first couple of weeks is a diaper, possibly a onesie, and you.

Tertia

Totally can relate, totally.

I am insanely jealous of those blissfully unaware pg women. insanely.

Karen, Naked Ovary Style

Thank you for this post.

I knew as I was typing mine that there are pregnant women who feel this way too.

I wish I was pregnant with Maya, you know? I wish I could have that. I would take it, with the uncertainty. THere is still alot of uncertainty with this, too.

But then--I would miss out on the amazing journey to China.

I still feel very sad that I won't give birth. Adoption doesn't replace that--it's such a different thing. I wish I could have both.

I am thankful, all the time, that women like you are around. Thanks, Lisa, for this. It helps to know I'm not all that alone, even when I imagine I am.

Monica

I know whereof you speak...I am due in a week, and do not feel ready for what is coming at all. We have a second bedroom, but since we don't own this apartment it's just that--not a nursery. So much is left to do! And yet...I know we'll all figure it out as we go along. BTW, I didn't start seriously buying ANYTHING for her until well after 30 weeks. It felt almost dangerous to do it before then.

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