The 11-year old daughter of a neighbor of your acquaintance has expressed an interest in babysitting for your 9-month old son as a "mother's helper." Eager for the help, you agree despite some misgivings about the girl who has always struck you as a little odd (though admittedly you don't know her well).
The girl has spent several afternoons with you and your son, and now you find her even odder. She seems to be utterly lacking in manners and/or guile: she rifles through your desk drawers and bathroom cabinet in your presence (which you did when you babysat all those years ago though you generally waited until the grownups had vacated the premises); she repeatedly calls your apartment messy; and most disconcertingly, she seems slightly obsessed with your son's genitals. On her first visit, she asked if she could give your son a bath (and then made a comment to the effect that it's the closest she'll get to an R-rated movie). On subsequent visits, she has asked somewhat incessantly if he needs a diaper change.
Do you:
A) Do nothing--A little curiosity is normal and besides, under the current arrangement she is never totally alone with your child.
B) Talk to the girl and explain what's creeping you out.
C) Talk to the girl's mother and ask her to explain to her daughter why you're creeped out.
D) Tell the girl and/or her mother that the whole mother's helper thing isn't really working out.
I'd say C. "Closest she'll get to an R rated movie?" That's just fucking weird.
Posted by: Molly | June 13, 2006 at 12:09 PM
D. Go with your gut.
C is too close to telling someone else how to parent, I think. I mean, she should already know if her kid is weird, and if she hasn't figured it out, she's not going to appreciate having it come from you. Plus she may be the cause of the weirdness. Do you think maybe the girl is being sexually abused herself? I guess then it might need to somehow be addressed.
Posted by: Cat, Galloping | June 13, 2006 at 12:14 PM
I'm going with D. No question.
Posted by: Rinn | June 13, 2006 at 12:16 PM
I'd go with D too - just reading about it made me feel a little creepy.
Posted by: MoMo | June 13, 2006 at 12:20 PM
D for sure. If a voice inside your head is saying something isn't quite right, it probably isn't, and who wants to take chances with the Boy?
Posted by: Addie | June 13, 2006 at 12:21 PM
D. For the love of all that is good and holy, d.
Posted by: Jenn | June 13, 2006 at 12:24 PM
Yiiiich!!! Get rid of her asap please!!!
Posted by: Mindy | June 13, 2006 at 12:29 PM
I'd stop having her in-she seems like a wierdo, and unless her mom is a lot less weird, I don't think you'll get to far talking to mom.
Posted by: Sarah | June 13, 2006 at 12:43 PM
What I would do is definitely D., although that may not be the right thing to do, I don't know. I wonder if this little girl might have been exposed to inappropriate discussions of sexuality, etc? On the other hand, she might just be curious. I know that at that age my friends and I relentlessly tried to trick our parents into renting movies with partial nudity, because we were fascinated. However, in a babysitting situation, you have to be comfortable, and sounds like you are not (I wouldn't be either!) so maybe it's just best to "take a break" - you can always decide to talk to the girl's mother or to the girl herself and give it another try at a later time.
Posted by: Elizabeth | June 13, 2006 at 12:46 PM
I'd go with D because I am personally hugely non-confrontational about this kind of stuff. And even if it is all normal (and I'd have to meet her to really get a feel for normal) I also know I wouldn't like it and personally that's a good enough reason not to use her period. She could be absolutely normal but just annoying and you'd still be justified in moving on. It's your kid, your rules, your life. You're not under obligation to anyone but your family.
Posted by: dawn | June 13, 2006 at 01:05 PM
I avoid conflict. It's what I do. Telling a mom that her daughter is obsessed with pensises seems primed to bring on the conflict. D is a no-brainer.
Posted by: Suz | June 13, 2006 at 01:10 PM
I feel a bit ishy just reading this. I'd go with D. Unless, you think all this stems from something she might need counseling for, and then maybe talk to her mom? I don't know if I'd be that brave.
Posted by: kelly jeanie | June 13, 2006 at 01:24 PM
I'm going with D as well, because DAMN! that's creepy.
Posted by: DD | June 13, 2006 at 01:46 PM
D. She sounds like she might even be on the spectrum (Asperger's or the like) what with the snooping and not picking up on social clues.
Posted by: Laurie | June 13, 2006 at 01:47 PM
Genital fixation notwithstanding, anyone who rifles through my personal stuff is SOOOOO OUTTA HERE.
So yeah, D. And if the mom pressed me for an explanation, I'd (reluctantly) give her one.
Posted by: deborah | June 13, 2006 at 01:51 PM
Definitely D.
Posted by: Brooklyn Mama | June 13, 2006 at 01:54 PM
Definitely D. A good babysitter/mother's helper person should not be interested in your stuff or the boy's penis. Yuck! Anyone that interested in my boys' private parts isn't going to be seeing them again.
Posted by: kathleen999 | June 13, 2006 at 01:56 PM
You have to protect the Boy, so definitely no more exposure to the girl. But if you had a My Name is Luka situation going on that you could stop, well, I think you have an obligation to keep an eye on her and see how she interacts with her family. I agree with Elizabeth that it sounds like the girl has been exposed to something inappropriate. It could be that the mother has no idea, in which case you'd be doing her the biggest favor possible by telling her. If the mother does know, then you could be the only chance for help this icky little girl has.
So I guess I'd say D, but I'd also try to snoop and see what's going on with the girl and her family, reserving the right to talk to the mom and/or CPS about it.
Posted by: Moxie | June 13, 2006 at 02:02 PM
My gut says "D" and so does yours, I think.
So, "D" Without question. I got a sick feeling in my stomache just reading your post.
I would keep it as vauge as possible too, like someone else said, "C" is too close to telling someone how to parent. This is too sticky a subject so I would just put on a happy face and say to Oddgirl's mom "I really want to thank Oddgirl for her help, but it turns out I won't be needing her after all. Thanks!" If pressed by Oddgirl's Mom, I would just keep it light and sweet and say things worked out better than expected with Formal Babysitter.
Then leave it alone.
Posted by: Christine | June 13, 2006 at 02:18 PM
Oh, I just wanted to add that I agree also with Moxie's last paragraph.
If you discover that CPS needs to be called, then I would absolutely do so (it's anonomyous). I would feel bad if another mother in my neighborhood exposed her child to Oddgirl and, God Forbid, something happened.
Posted by: Christine | June 13, 2006 at 02:22 PM
D. I'm a firm believer in the gut feeling, and mine are screaming D just from reading about it.
Posted by: Leigha | June 13, 2006 at 02:31 PM
I'm going to go against the force of all the D's and say B & C (plus D if you don't want her there anymore), but if the girl wants to babysit that badly, and is only 11, she is probably going to try to babysit for others, and I think you would be doing her and her mother a favor if you told them the truth about why you were not having her back. I know confrontation is hard, but you also don't want to end up an unwitting reference for her babysitting ablities either. Also, I think the mother would WANT to know what is going on, and not telling her misses an oppportunity for her to find out what is going on with her daughter. If you just can't bring yourself to talk to the mother, please talk to her teacher or make an anonymous CPS call so that someone else can figure out what is going on here--maybe nothing, but maybe something too.
Posted by: wavybrains | June 13, 2006 at 02:32 PM
I'd say C and D. The mom should really know about her daughter's "interests" and then I'd definitely find someone else. It's not that her questions fall outside of the normal range, but if it was my daughter I'd want to nip it in the bud. So to speak.
Posted by: Sara | June 13, 2006 at 02:46 PM
D. Run like the wind, sister!
Posted by: Gracie | June 13, 2006 at 02:47 PM
I'd go with D too. My daughter will be 9 in a couple weeks, and I'm trying hard to imagine if she'd ever exhibit any behavior like OddGirl's in a couple years, and I honestly cannot.
But I would be extremely hesitant to make an anonymous CPS call. That will go on her mother's record forever, and who knows what, if anything, is going on - you know? That is just me, though. I'd force myself to talk to her mom, or teacher, before I'd resort to CPS.
Good luck and please let us know what you decide.
Posted by: libby | June 13, 2006 at 02:48 PM
D - definitely. She probably isn't much help anyway.
Posted by: FreckleFaceGirl | June 13, 2006 at 03:19 PM
Definately D, all the way. Get your son out of a potentially bad situation and then maybe do a little snooping to make sure this kid isn't in any danger.
Posted by: Nikki | June 13, 2006 at 03:28 PM
I'd go with D for sure.
If I knew the Mom really well, I'd approach B or C. If I didn't know the Mom well I'd just stick with D.
I actually don't know if I'd do B at all. You don't want the girl to "name you" or accuse you of anything.
Go with D first and then take other action if you feel the need.
(Is it assvice if someone asks?)
Posted by: JK | June 13, 2006 at 03:35 PM
D.
EW.
Posted by: Sara | June 13, 2006 at 04:23 PM
Very weird, Um yeah D!
Posted by: Nors | June 13, 2006 at 04:43 PM
I'd do D but wish I'd had the guts to do C.
How did it go with the grown-up babysitter?
Posted by: caro | June 13, 2006 at 05:00 PM
I would go with D. It seems strange the things she said though...not so much the diaper change because maybe she just wants to be helpful and that is how she is expressing it. But commenting on the rated R movie thing? I don't know. Could be completely innocent. I always believe in erring on the side of caution though.
Posted by: baggage | June 13, 2006 at 05:07 PM
I'm with Deb - D, and a reluctant explanation if pressed.
Posted by: Menita | June 13, 2006 at 05:55 PM
D. Definitely and without question.
Posted by: Abby | June 13, 2006 at 07:21 PM
My personality would go with D...but her odd behavior does concern me. But again, my pseronality would have to go with D...because, honestly, shouldn't her mother recognize the oddbehavior? Wouldn't you? It could just be a personality thing - some kids are just odd.
Posted by: Julie | June 13, 2006 at 07:36 PM
Um, D. Because I'd be afraid the "talk" with the girl's mother would go south. But I'm a chicken like that.
Posted by: Carla Hinkle | June 13, 2006 at 08:24 PM
I'm going straight to the comments without reading any tonight because I am so creeped out. DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!! AAAAHHHH Definitely never again ever no way. Okay,yeah, D.
Posted by: Heather Ann | June 13, 2006 at 09:28 PM
Ugh. D.
But, if the mom called, I'd say C. And if anyone called for a reference, I'd tell them I'd have to get back to them and definitely do C.
Posted by: liz | June 13, 2006 at 11:23 PM
E.... MOVE
Posted by: BrendaS | June 14, 2006 at 12:46 AM
Um, let me think...DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Posted by: Tara | June 14, 2006 at 06:59 AM
Umm, chiming in REALLY late so who knows if you'll see this--but 11 yo seems awfully young to take care of a baby,unless you're in the house the whole time. And even then. I probably wouldn't feel comfortable w/ anyone younger than about 16. I might use a 13 or 14 yo for my 3 yo...
Posted by: nate | June 27, 2006 at 04:46 PM