Sometime in the wee hours of Tuesday morning I hit The Wall, that point where newborn adrenalin runs out and all you are left with is the overwhelming realization that you may never again sleep for more than 2 hours consecutively for the rest of your life.
I remember going through this with The Boy so I am trying to be sanguine and just stockpile the DVR with shows that lift the gloom during those middle of the night feedings, but I confess that lately when I hear The Girl begin to rouse herself, I get a little weepy.
She's clearly growing and gaining weight, but she can still nurse for hours on end as soon as the sun goes down. I talk a good game about breast feeding ambivalence, the fact is that I want to succeed at breast feeding: it's cheap and convenient and not without its special moments of intimacy. But the constant nursing is wearing me down. I do supplement with formula when The Girl seems especially hungry, but for the past few weeks, that has been all the time.
And an unexpected complication of formula supplementation is this: The Boy sees The Girl drinking from a bottle and he absolutely loses his mind if he doesn't get one too. So, he's having his beverages in bottles these days (or he's ripping bottles of formula out of my hands and The Girl's mouth).
This stage will pass soon, right?
Maybe just try giving her a bottle at the last couple of night feedings. Maybe that will help her go a little further and get you some much needed rest. I try to remember that I did the best that I could do everyday, and that means something different everyday. The Boy will gradually tire of sucking liquid out of a bottle, especially if you put a slow flow nipple on it. Hoping that things get better soon. How I remember those fog filled days.
Posted by: victoria | September 07, 2007 at 07:28 PM
Oh god--I remember lying in bed, hearing BG starting to stir, and chanting tearily to myself, "Please don't wake up, please don't wake up." And we were a 100% bottle household, so I didn't even have to get up every time--you must be exhausted.
It does seem to pass. I do still chant "please don't wake up," but it's after 4-6 consecutive hours sleep instead of 1.5, so that's a huge improvement. Hang in there.
Posted by: electriclady | September 07, 2007 at 08:49 PM
If I'm going to give my 3 month old a bottle of milk (formula) or water, I offer my 2 year old a bottle of milk (cows) or water first. Maybe cowardly but I've gone out of my way to avoid situations where Kid1 will get jealous of something Kid2 is doing. (Eg- "Look Kid1, Mummy bought a new playmat. Would you like to lie down on it and see all the cool toys? And look, it plays classical music and has blinking lights. Here, I'll lie Kid2 down next to you and you can enjoy it together. What do you mean it's boring? Oh ok, off you go and do something else then..." heh heh heh...)
Re the breastfeeding, the 3 month old gets a formula bottle every night at 6.30pm and that does seem helps her sleep longer, but during the day I really try and avoid occasional formula supplementing as it plays havoc with my supply..
Posted by: kate | September 08, 2007 at 12:59 AM
Oooh, ouch. I remember that. And am fearing it. Hope it gets better soon.
Posted by: caro | September 08, 2007 at 09:46 AM
This too shall pass... unfortunately what lies beyond it... we cannot imagine.
*hugs*
Posted by: Cat | September 08, 2007 at 11:10 AM
Hang in there. Sounds like you're doing great knowing this too will pass. Aren't DVRs a wonderful invention. I never watched so much TV as when I was nursing!
Posted by: Heather | September 08, 2007 at 12:59 PM
If I were you, I wouldn't stress about the bottles for the Boy right now. They aren't going to kill him, and the important thing is that he knows how to drink from a cup when he needs to. If he is still doing it in a few months and you are really worried about it, have him play at a friend's house with older siblings where all they use is "big kid" cups. Positive peer pressure can work wonders. And the positive side of all of this is that the Girl will likely want to transition from a bottle to a cup way earlier than you ever thought possible, just to be like the Boy.
Posted by: Jessica | September 08, 2007 at 02:28 PM
I am going to sound terrible but it is nice to read that other mums are going just like me through the constant feeding days. What helps me is the DVR (no need to get up and change the DVD). I record tons of law and order and it works for me. I am too exhausted to focus on a movie! I can't imagine how you handle a newborn and a toddler at the same time. You are my hero.
Posted by: marie-baguettte | September 08, 2007 at 02:57 PM
Mine aren't as close together as yours...and Muffin was without bottle for over a year by the time Bear was born (she was 2 when Bear came along) - so I don't know what to say about the bottles.
But I do remember struggling with the BF more with Bear. It was hard to continue when it was easier to give formula. I made it almost as long (9.5 months vs 10.5 months) before I gave up - but it was a struggle.
Good luck BG...I hope you get past that wall soon.
Posted by: Toni | September 08, 2007 at 09:13 PM
I swear on a fat stack of Bibles that it is a stage that WILL end. I have the world's worst sleeper over here ... at 9 mos., he has yet to sleep through the night even one time ... and even HE is starting to go down more easily and sleep better and for much longer stretches of time. I thought it would never happen, but he is definitely settling down. Hang in there. Can you ask DH to take one feeding in the middle of the night for a night or two? Not necessarily a regular thing, but enough of a break to help you feel like you have your bearings again?
Posted by: Rebekah | September 08, 2007 at 11:20 PM
It will get better. You are doing great. This part IS hard.
Posted by: Henny Penny | September 09, 2007 at 06:51 PM
I have a toddler and a 2-month-old so I feel your pain. I like Scrubs for those middle of the night feedings.
Posted by: Melissa | September 10, 2007 at 05:29 AM
My son was a constant nurser, too. I think he would have spent his fist 9 or 12 months of life permanently attached to my breast if I'd let him.
I hadn't really intended to co-sleep, but he just wanted to nurse so stinkin' often at night I quickly saw it as the only possible way I could get anything approaching rest. I was actually able to nurse him while I slept -- he'd wake, I'd get him latched on (side lying), and then I'd doze off again. If I'd had to get out of bed to nurse him each time, I'm not sure if either one of us would have survived that stage.
Posted by: Summer | September 10, 2007 at 09:53 AM
I remember wanting to scream when someone told me it will pass because it felt like I would be awake for the next thousand years. Yet, here I am about to say the same thing to you (except I can't make myself actually say it). It is so so hard. I hope that you get a break soon.
By the way, if we are in the house, my daughter is also a constant nurser. She will just stay latched on for hours. Whenever I talk to my friends with babies, they never seem to experience this so it's nice to know it's not just us. I'm always worried that she's starving, but it seems she just really likes the closeness.
Posted by: Monica | September 10, 2007 at 11:09 AM
Sleep deprivation sucks rocks!! It WILL get better. I remember nights where I was soooo angry with my tiny little guy for being awake again after only an hour of sleep. I wanted him SO MUCH, and love him like crazy, but it's those irrational fuzzy brained, middle of the night feedings and diaper changes with sandpaper eyeballs when I was sooo bloody tired that were the hardest. That, paired with colic and reflux.
I know you've BTDT, but still... it's HARD. Hang in there.
Posted by: Tonya | September 12, 2007 at 12:23 AM
There is nothing like that lack of sleep. I remember one bliss filled week where I got both twins to sleep through the night, and the very next week they started to cut teeth and were up like every hour on the hour. It was actually easier when they were new and all I had to do was feed them to get them back to sleep. I remember crawling back into bed in tears and weeping to my husband "What do I have to do...I just want one night's sleep...what do I have to do..." over and over. Then we started drugging them with pain reliever...aaaah.
Posted by: Chickenpig | September 12, 2007 at 07:37 AM
Can you nurse laying down on your side? I have 9 week old twins and its the only way I get any sleep. I alternate all night back and forth and its kind of a pain, but at least I can sleep (or dose) while I'm nursing.
Posted by: Leggy | September 12, 2007 at 08:24 AM
It sucks. It'll pass. Can you leave filled bottles in the refrigerator where The Boy can get them himself? "Big Boys get their own milk."
Posted by: Moxie | September 13, 2007 at 09:53 AM