You Be the (Suburban) Parent

Under which of the following circumstances is it acceptable to leave a sleeping child in a car alone (assume the weather is temperate and the car is parked in the shade):

A) The car is parked in your driveway, and you are seated on the grass beside it, sipping a Diet Coke and reading the newspaper;

B) The car is parked in your driveway, and you are in the kitchen that has a large window that looks into the car allowing you to see said sleeping child;

C) At your quiet neighborhood dry cleaner, where the car is parked directly in front of the entrance and both car and child are in your view for the entire 3 minutes that you are out of the car;

D)  All of the above;

E) None of the above, and I have already reported you to the authorities for even asking. 

Comments

[Heather]

I've done the equivalents of A and B multiple times.

Personally, I think C is fine, too. But it seems it's no longer socially acceptable, so I don't do it. The last thing I need is being falsely accused of child neglect.

[Lori]

I'm going with A, although I wish that B and C (especially C) were options these days.

[Amywest]

Ugg ... I wish it were socially acceptable to actually annouce to the world that I think D is the right answer, but I think my children will be taken away. I have done all of the above, but nearly had a panic attack running into the store for exactly 44 seconds (not worrying about the kids, but about nosey strangers peeking in my car) ... again I say uggg ...

[deborah]

Oh, how I've missed this game! Um...D. But I'm a city slicker, so I don't really get those "driveway" and "grass" references.

[Carla Hinkle]

Hee hee hee. I love your quizzes!

A is fine. (I can't imagine anyone telling you A isn't fine.) B is often very tempting but I'm saying no -- I just get too tempted to turn away for a minute. C I actually do all the time, I can park the car directly in front of the dry cleaner's door and am about 8 feet from the kids at any time.

Can't wait to see the results ...

[Elizabeth]

Definitely A, probably B (barring some bizarre housing circumstances), maybe C.

I've done C for library book return and really really quick things like that. But I know a lot of parents that wouldn't.

[Amy]

I long to be able to do C - but won't since it will result in the authorities being called immediately 'round here. I think that A is the only safe answer.

I've wondered though - is it acceptable to leave the kid in the (locked) car while I fetch a shopping cart from the cart corral 2 parking spaces down and can I put the kid in the car before returning aforementioned cart? Someday I may dare to but for now I just tote her along with me.

[Susan]

I'd say D as I have done A, B, and C.
I had to run errands today and my youngest (2.5 y.o.) fell asleep in the car so this quiz was oh so timely.

[JK]

A is always fine! (in my opinion)

B is fine while you get the Diet Coke for option A, but really not for more than that.

C might be illegal in some states.... (annoying, but true) (I've heard it's illegal where I live but I can't find out how to find this out... does anyone know???)

[Michelle]

I say all of the above. As long as you the child is safe (buckled into carseat, car locked, car not too hot) AND you can see the child and get to them if they wake up in a panic, what is the big deal? I will add that I'm an older mom (43 with a 3 yo) and find I no longer care what others think about my parenting.

[caro]

Good to hear from you ... I was just wondering how you were doing.

Umm, I'd definitely do A or B. C wouldn't worry me in terms of the child's safety, but I think I'd be wimpy enough about the potential nosy response from passersby that I wouldn't do it. I don't have that many dry cleanables, though.

[Erin]

A is fine.
B would depend on the temp outside. Even with the windows down in the car, it can get toasty fast.
C is definitely not ok most places. I've seen people calling the police when passing cars with children inside and no parents. Sad that you can't run in the gas station or bank (When you can see car). I have done it. Once. And I covered the sleeping child in the car seat with a blanket.

[Dee]

All of the above. I must say that I am guilty of all of them at one time or another.

[Perfectly Disgraceful]

I think as long as the temperature isn't too hot, all three options are completely safe for the child. Totally and utterly safe. What I worry about is the damn busybody who is going to give me a hard time for doing any of those things.

I've been known to park my car, containing my napping toddler, in front of the house (city block) and make my ten-year-old sit on the stoop keeping an eye on the car while I do stuff in the house. And no, that stuff isn't surfing the internet and eating bon bons.

[B Mama]

A and B - at least, that's what we've been doing since we left the city. For B, we leave the doors open to the car and check in regularly. We are a distance from any neighbors. I don't think I'd do C . . . yet.

[Bobbi]

A and B are fine, but around here, C will get you arrested. Which COMPLETELY sucks....but it isn't worth taking the chance.

[Cat, galloping]

I've missed these! I've done A. I would do B if I had that sort of setup but I wouldn't leave the window. I've done C too, once, but I didn't feel good about it. I think I've seen too many (ads for) lifetime movies to be comfortable with it.

[Heidi]

I've done A and B, though B mostly for only a few minutes while preparing to move sleeping child into house (taking in groceries from car, checking voice mail, quickly going to bathroom, etc.). I really do think C is OK but haven't done it due to fear of recriminations if something bad SHOULD happen.

[liz]

A and maybe C.

Not B, too easy to get distracted and lose track of time.

[Elizabeth]

A is probably ok but I hate to say it but I would not do the others. It is just too easy to get distracted and sadly very tragic things result. That said my mom left me in the car tons of times and I am fine but a friend left his son in the car and the boy died. It crushed me and because of that (and my poor attention span) I am terribly cautious about leaving ds in the car....

[marie baguette]

I would say D but as others have said, it might not be legal... what about leaving a note on the windshield saying "mom is at the xxx store, looking over?"
I had Danish friends ("had" because they moved back to europe) and they were so different... For example, they would leave their baby in the stroller on the ground floor of the building (they leaved on the 3rd floor and left their door open) because it is just a pain to transfer a sleeping baby from a stroller to a crib -- they always wake up. I thought it was insane until I had a baby of my own. But I was never brave enough to do it!

[artsweet]

A & C, although C might get you in trouble. I'm too distractable to do B.

My main C moment is at the cheap gas station where you can't pay at the pump.

And I really hope that doesn't come back to bite me in the ass.

[kris]

A and maybe B. and i think it is ok to get the cart at the grocery store and return it as long as it is only a couple things away.

[Erin]

A and maybe C, depending on the situation. A without a doubt, as I think we've all done that. I've done C before but only in places that I know the people there well (i.e. the dry cleaner's) and am sure they won't call the cops. Otherwise, I might not try it.

B makes me nervous that I would get distracted by something.

[Jessica]

I have done all three, but only A with any regularity.

I actually find B the most nerve-wracking because of the distraction temptation/not having them in my sight 100% of the time. I once left M sleeping in a jogging stroller our side yard for two minutes while ran inside to get something I forgot. It was windy and I had no idea the stroller brake was faulty (Bad Instep 5K from 2003)and she blew away and the stroller crashed in our driveway. She could have easily blown into the street instead. It was one of my worse parenting moments ever and B is just too close to it for me.

I do C occasionally with asleeping kid and I always leave the kids buckled in locked car awake while I return the grocery cart to the corral. But anything but the cart run makes me nervous that someone will report me, even though I think it is perfectly safe for the child if the windows are cracked open, you can see the child at all times and the weather is temperate.

[Carla Hinkle]

PS for C I always, always leave the windows open. I am too freaked about the possibility of over heating to lock them in with windows shut. If they are in my eyesight, it is windows open. If they aren't in my eyesight,I don't leave them and so wouldn't need to lock them in.

[Jennifer]

I have two answers. The Swiss mom in me says all of the above. The US mom in me says none of the above. Clearly some of my parenting behaviors are driven by what I think will get me arrested.

[kathleen999]

I would only do A. All the others seem to allow someone else to have access to my kid before I could get there. Or the kid wakes up and is scared to be alone. I think my mom used to leave us in the car and dash into a store, but with children disappearing from hotel rooms and homes, I think I would rather just keep them with me.

That said, I was a "nosy busybody" who called 911 because someone on our street in Queens (our old apartment) left 2 kids locked in the car and was nowhere in sight. The oldest looked about 7. They seemed fine, but where was the parent? I waited about 5 minutes but no parent showed up. So I called 911. At the very least, the mom or dad would be greeted by a cop and told not to do it again. Hopefully they weren't arrested. But leaving your kids alone in the car while you shop somewhere or go visiting nowadays is not okay. Anyone who knows how to break a car window could have taken those little girls away and killed/tortured them. These people do exist and I don't see that it is okay to give them access to a child.

That said, it is one thing to go somewhere where you can't see them and another thing for them to be in the car with you watching them all the time.

[Kara]

I think the whole point of news stories about infants/toddlers who die in parked cars (I remember seeing three of them just this summer) is that even level-headed adults have NO IDEA how fast a car can get too hot. Do any of the commenters really feel that any of those had any intention of killing their children? I find it interesting that we all feel pretty certain that WE know when the temperature is okay, or how fast the car will get too hot. . .are we really that much more intelligent than those who have actually had children die? I find that hard to swallow--it's not like all those stories involve mentally handicapped parents or something.

[vanna]

i just do not understand how it is not ok to leave my 2 and 3 year old in the car while i go into the gas station to pay for gas. 10 feet away, never out of my line of vision, no customers ahead of me, no conversation from anyone, just "here's your $4,000 for my fill up." engine off, they're strapped in, keys with me, lovely weather, they're happy sleeping or talking...

but i don't do it, cuz people FREAK.

[Emmie (Better Make It A Double)]

D, but I would only do A and B because it's not allowed these days. My Dutch parents, BTW, used to go out and leave the windows open so the neighbors would hear us if we were naughty enough to get out of bed.

[caramama]

A is fine. B, I wish I could say was fine, but I just can't. No way to C in my mind, because I'm too worried about someone car jacking the car or hitting it or anything else that could happen when I'm outside of my own driveway.

[Heather]

Unfortunately in this day and age, I think A is the only option. I think I've only done C when I was taking the grocery cart back to the corral.

[jenny]

the big D

[4katnap]

A for sure. That would be considered supervised. In Oregon leaving any child (under the age of 10 years old) unsupervised in a car (or anywhere else) is illeagal and can result in arrest and the child being removed from your custody.

Not saying I totally agree just stating teh facts of the law.

[4katnap]

PS I once called police because an old woman was left locked in a car wiht the windows up very hot and coulnd't figure out how to get out. I also went looking for her her daughter (in her 50's) who was shopping at anear by store.

[Lee]

Absolutely D.

[amywest]

Okay ... I am back. I just saw a promo on TV for Dr. Phil and tomorrow's show (Thursday) is addressing this issue ... how is that for timing??!! LOL