Identity

As my nom de blog has become inappropriate, I've been casting about for a new name and virtual identity.  I haven't made much progress. 

In a similar vein, over the last few months, I've been (re)connecting with people on Facebook: friends from high school I haven't seen since graduation, colleagues from abandoned career paths, and various and assorted folks from other points in my life.  Trying to neatly encapsulate who I am and what I've been up to has been...humbling.  The least subtle of my correspondents asked (to paraphrase somewhat), "What happened to you?  You used to be a serious person."

Um, yeah.  Putting aside for a minute the assumption that being the primary caregiver for 2 kids is not serious work and the arguments about that assumption, I have to admit there is a lack of rigor to my life these days.  The all consuming kids are a perfectly valid reason that I haven't recently read anything approaching literature or looked at the newspaper or posted on my blog--and then let's not even talk about the career repercussions.

Still, there's a certain amount of convenience to the excuse: at a certain point wanting to read the newspaper but not having the time morphs into not wanting to read the newspaper.*  And believe me, friends, I have morphed.

*The newspaper is really just an example.  NPR was my primary news source well before the kids were even imagined.

Comments

[Kate]

Wow, that's quite a (paraphrased) comment. I'd be curious about the giver of that particular zinger.

Even my still-single friends from high school (men and women) have had enough exposure (by their early 30s) to small children to understand that raising them isn't unicorns and rainbows--and is, in fact, usually the opposite.

[I freely admit to being overwhelmed. My house is constantly trashed. If I put in the time to straightening, it's trashed again within 12 hours and the hopelessness kind of creeps in.]

I'm not telling you to wallow, but geez, after the week I've had...mothering is pretty much as serious and all consuming as it comes.

[cat, galloping]

That's a pretty obnoxious comment!

We all morph... Believe me, my 22-year-old self would be horrified at my life. Living AND working in the suburbs, working for a major corporation, sitting in front of a computer working with powerpoint or sitting in meetings all day?! Horror of horrors!

If you are happy now, it doesn't matter if you're not as serious as you once were. If you're not, I guess the implementation of some rigor is in order. But don't beat yourself up. The Girl will go to school next year (yes?) and that will free up a few hours a week to listen to NPR, at the least.

[May]

I hear you. Oh, do I hear you. Let me know if you come up with a solution. In the meantime, I'll be using my PhD to run the vacuum cleaner.

[Nors]

Faded is the way I feel about my life right now. I am not very vivid, just kind of hanging out in the background. Rumor has it when your youngest child turns 4 you start to get some of your life back. Not that I am wishing the days away, it is just nice to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. PS. Love Facebook, it has helped with some of the isolation to moving to a new town. (Want to be friends, ; )

We will catch up one of these days.

[Dee]

So infertility and motherhood do have something in common...people who aren't in the midst of either just don't 'get it.'

Not sure whether I'd be offended or flattered by what your FB friend said...as if motherhood has made you any less of a person? Or is it a bad thing to not be so serious? That friend must not have children (or do they? I'd be suprised at that).

P.S. Wanna be FB friends? I think you may know my real name, yes? (hint: it's in my email address) if you want to look me up. Me, Tertia, Lala, Fertility Now, Miss W, and a few other IF gals are 'friends' on there with each other...come out and play!

[Amy]

Sweetie ... After being a "serious person" with our careers and a "serious person" for all the years of IF failures and triumphs, I will gladly hang up my "serious person" to be my current "mommy person". I lost my job at the end of September so I am officially a SAHM instead of a WAHM and being on my severence for the last 10 weeks, I can no longer remember how the hell I was doing it all, because my house is still "very lived in" and I still can't get enough sleep. LOL

I have hung up my management title in exchange for reindeer heads concidently exactly the size of my daughters' feet scotched taped to my walls and a not so perfect gingerbread train sits in all its glory on the table where my Orefors crystal candles used to sit ...

I can be serious again in a few years, for now, just call me mom and consider your friend more than slightly out of touch with our reality ... which we worked seriously damn hard for ... Love you girl!!

[AmyinMotown]

Hey, wanna be my FB friend too? Same deal, my name is in my email.

And I understand you. OH, do I ever. I am tired today because I stayed up watching Top Chef OMG a REALITY SHOW and I don't remember the last book I read all the way through and really am not sure when I last read a novel.

But I love most of my life. I am overwhelmed, ridiculously, and exhausted, and broke, and unfashionable and frumpy. But I have the children I longed for and being their mom is better than I ever thought; I can save the world later. I am very inspired by older women who started whole new careers and lives after their kids got a little older.